| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/social_opening_up_a_bit_b-13608_sid-dd8aba36b0fedc25ff0b34ee971eb8b9.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Jan 31, 2021 6:22 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | social opening up a bit |
7 years she wanted me; I ignored her because I had dissociative disorder; I could not get near her or look her in the eyes and I did not trust her or anyone else like her; I hated her because of the way she treated men. She was exceptionally good looking and used men any way she wanted; she wanted me over all of them but I was 2 mentally ill; she had no idea just how sick I was. I could not get within 30 feet of another person; not really; I was so avoidant and dissociated all the time; it was a miracle I could be in 12 step meetings.; Dealing with her was almost impossible. and I never got near her and did not feel good enough to talk to anyone and I was delusional. . So; as Im getting better; tonight she walked in with her Fiancé. Hes also my good friend. After this big meeting; 40 people or more; big meeting; she was talking to some people. I turned and walked over to her; shook her hand and started talking to her; I talked to her for several minutes. The last time I was around her was 5 years ago; she asked me to come home with her; she was single and always wanted me. If I had been able to; I would have started a family with her Im sure. . Tonight I was able to talk to her; look her in the eyes; uncomfortable but I did it. Keep the uncomfortable conversation going for several minutes; hold my own. If this had been 5 years ago; I would have been married to her; thats how much better my ability to deal socially is getting; I was thinking about her for the last few days; Im not hitting on her but I was practicing and realizing how much better Im getting; its crazy. ;. Getting better but watch it; dont get cocky! \.; My mind has been torn off; right out of the skull; its no game! ITs serious business; its been warped badly . . So; no functioning; I was the equivalent of a schizophrenic walking around; and I would pass out and wake up numerous minutes later and not know where I had been and every other symptom of Dissociative disorder and CPTSD> . Heres the point; ive been working for years to get to this point and its happening rapidly; but my mind is so fragile and sensitive to trauma and stress and abuse. . So; I was able to talk to someone I was never able to talk to strait to their face and I would have been able to go home with them and have sex if they had asked for it like before. And that is a huge huge massive deal; things are changing... . As I said; Theyve changed just enough; Ill keep working my recovery and see where all of this is taking me. |
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