7 years she wanted me; I ignored her because I had dissociative disorder; I could not get near her or look her in the eyes and I did not trust her or anyone else like her; I hated her because of the way she treated men. She was exceptionally good looking and used men any way she wanted; she wanted me over all of them but I was 2 mentally ill; she had no idea just how sick I was. I could not get within 30 feet of another person; not really; I was so avoidant and dissociated all the time; it was a miracle I could be in 12 step meetings.; Dealing with her was almost impossible. and I never got near her and did not feel good enough to talk to anyone and I was delusional.
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So; as Im getting better; tonight she walked in with her Fiancé. Hes also my good friend. After this big meeting; 40 people or more; big meeting; she was talking to some people. I turned and walked over to her; shook her hand and started talking to her; I talked to her for several minutes. The last time I was around her was 5 years ago; she asked me to come home with her; she was single and always wanted me. If I had been able to; I would have started a family with her Im sure.
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Tonight I was able to talk to her; look her in the eyes; uncomfortable but I did it. Keep the uncomfortable conversation going for several minutes; hold my own. If this had been 5 years ago; I would have been married to her; thats how much better my ability to deal socially is getting; I was thinking about her for the last few days; Im not hitting on her but I was practicing and realizing how much better Im getting; its crazy.
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Getting better but watch it; dont get cocky!
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My mind has been torn off; right out of the skull; its no game! ITs serious business; its been warped badly .
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So; no functioning; I was the equivalent of a schizophrenic walking around; and I would pass out and wake up numerous minutes later and not know where I had been and every other symptom of Dissociative disorder and CPTSD>
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Heres the point; ive been working for years to get to this point and its happening rapidly; but my mind is so fragile and sensitive to trauma and stress and abuse.
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So; I was able to talk to someone I was never able to talk to strait to their face and I would have been able to go home with them and have sex if they had asked for it like before. And that is a huge huge massive deal; things are changing...
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As I said; Theyve changed just enough; Ill keep working my recovery and see where all of this is taking me.