Social interactions
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its embarrasing
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When young, I little social or physical interactions with anyone! I had some love from my father; but it was fake; it was attention from a sociopath/narcissist; it wasn't real; it was about the other person who was giving the attention; they were not trying to help me; they were trying to help themselves! Other then this! I had a few friends; they turned out to be fake! slowly I was pulled away from any social interactions and ended up in a dream world!
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With dissociative disorder; no touching of anything or awareness of anything going on around me! Now that Im getting better and healing up! Im starting to inner act more with people, with women; However, its all very embarrassing! Its hard to be so interactively slow and immature! Its hard to talk about!
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Ive found that actions speak louder then words! Im slowly learning how to interact again! slowly!
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Ive never been around people that liked me! I've been around allot of people that were my enemy and not my friends! They had no value toward me! nothing! and those are not the people i wanted to associate with! I could not understand why they didnt like me! its as if I had no social status! They knew nothing about me! Why did they judge me! but they did!
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The whole world caved in on me interactively! Ive never been around the right people or the right social situation that was safe! I was torn to pieces before when young!
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The point is; Im like a 13 year old or 11 year old or 12 year old who is healing up and learning how to touch people again and talk to people again! its very very hard to even look someone in the face; Im like an abused dog that looks down on the ground; its dissociative, I cant help it! As I become aware of my behavior Im slowly learning how to confront others when up close with them; hardest things I can do! Im relearned this fear based procedure, and I feel o so weak and scared!
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Practice makes perfect and I got to trust God!