Its getting hard at meetings; I get blocked! Im not dealing with educated people; most are what one might call trailer trash! personally I don't care! and I don't consider anyone trash until they prove it to me! As I have been called trash half my life! and none of it was true! But if you prove it; thats another story!
Ive been treated like an outcast all my life! as soon as people could get ahold of me they tried to put me into a second tear position to them! Im never treated with the respect I deserve! ever! its crazy! its enough to make you crazy!
Once in a while I deal with people that see me or like me!
One big problem I have with people; calling me a lier after I tell them the truth! This is the fasted way to end a relationship with me; friendship! do not call em a liar once I tell you the truth!
Yet I deal with doubters; people that don't believe what I say, they want proof! My word is not good enough! for them, its a shallow relationship at best! not the ideal!
Most of my relationships are false at this point; most are based within the recovery world! and most are false in the sense; I don't mean anything to anyone! its more superficial! meetings are great for recovery! but not everyone is as needy as I am!
Some of the people are not worth knowing at a personal level! they are rude and judgmental!
I got to remember to wash my clothing! I can't tell when they start to wreak! this is a huge problem! Im still working on it! and my apartment!
Its so hard to be in touch with anything, to be part of things! feeling wize! Ive always been out on the of touch because of Dissociative disorder! Im slowly learning!
I don't have meetings just for DD! I have to go to general recovery stuff in the area; things like NA and AA! and other psych based stuff! and its OK! but the people are rotten at times! it sucks; makes it hard!
I don't have much of a life outside of all of this accept on the net and places like this!
Ive been working on getting closer to people! and its helping and working!
My life was destroyed and I came back, now Im trying to reconnect! but I have allot of recovery work to do! Im still trying to learn who to basic connect with self and my surroundings! In addition, Im attempting to interact with people and be vulnerable!
Life is about social connection! it must be! but it is so hard for us who have been torn apart! its hard to trust again! to rub up against people again! have friends again!
I was so torn apart and lonely and broken; its crazy!