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Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Social confusion

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Mar 02, 2016 12:17 am

Have you ever saw someone your attracted to; but they made it so hard for you to ask them out! You were planning on asking them out, but:......

I pray about it! Is this what God wants for me! Im just learning! Im getting stronger and have very little confidence or anything else! Its hard! I say to myself; " self," their she is" " go get her"! She sits by me! But I cant say anything! Something is wrong! Its like she's staring at the guy down the line from me and not me! Im getting mixed signals! Do I really want to ask this person out! I cant tell if she likes me! She's shown signs! But is is worth it to me! I don't know!

I hate being played by people! I just walk away!

When it comes to women! I don't like games you either like me or you don't! Respond or I move on!

Ive wanted to ask this women out! I just do! Sex, or what ever! Attraction! But something keeps making me sick about her! And I stop! It aint worth it! I could be getting triggered, I don't know!

Im very sick when it comes to interactions with others! Im very weak at it! So, Im trying, but still! I don't get it!
As soon as I get up enough nerve to ask her out! Red flags start pop'n all over the place!

Today, I just got up and left! I guess its important to me to know whether the other person likes me or not! Its huge! Has allot of power over me! Im still a broken little narcissist! Its all about me!

I feel like Im safe not asking her out! Then I thought! I didn't like the uncomfortable feelings associated with being next to her! Maybe its because I am attracted to her! I felt like she was attracted to the guy next to me! Not me! I don't need it! By! See ay!

I have to keep practicing!

If I get strong enough to ask these people out! What will I expect! I didn't ask this women out, because I was afraid I was wrong! She sees me in her friend zone! And I don't! And I didn't want to go through the humiliation! Im not sure what to think!

I simply got up and left! Ive been through this a thousand times with certain women! Its time I find other women to go out with that are more appreciate of my interests! This was 2 much work!

As soon as I let out my feelings, and relax, it seems its a mistake! So, I simply left! I felt like I might be getting treated like a fool and an underdog! Something isn't right!

There is a way of blocking someone when you're sitting next to them! Their tone of voice, how they act around you! I just gave up! I was so close to asking her out; ride bikes! Did not feel she would appreciate it!

I don't like it being so easy for someone to say no to me!

I have expectations! The problem is this! You don't get to have expectations! No one is going to take care of you! Its possible that; I had to man up more then my courage would allow! I did not have that level of manhood! Its to much! And Im mad that someone would make me have to have that much manhood! Something was wrong! I felt like it was a game! Im not sure! Possibly, I did not really know what I wanted from the girl! Maybe I just wanted to practice until the real thing came along! And she would not allow this! Your either in or not! And I suppose; if I really liked her and felt she had the same values! I would have no problem going after her! I felt torn into! I like her, but I know I can get better socially speaking! Actually, I was just scared!

Im afraid of being hurt or played on someones finger like a puppet! It's a waist of time being played by people! So I thought! Ill have here for sex! But that doesn't work with me! It's not like porn! I don't know why! Women are not porn! It does not mean they don't wont wild sex! But, you cant look at them that way! Instead, you have a relationship with them; and within the relationship, sexual relationship builds! And you can get all you want! So, I could have done that! But I don't want to go that far with this person! But I do want to go that far with this person!

When they start talking to you indifferently, Im finished with them! their not scared to sit by you; to say yes or no to you instead of your name or conversation with you! your treated like their a clerk talking to a customer; When that happens Im done!

The point is; this person is not helping, and Im in the process of growing and I don't really want to deal with someone who does not have the conscious awareness to act like a human being!

Im certainly not in their friend zone! Im just not! I cant be! I'm just not that kind of person! Maybe its pride!

On the other hand; Im looking at it differently! No one owes me anything! And I didn't ask her out! I was to afraid of being shot down because of disappointment! But I was able to sit by her and go through it! And it build a kind of independence! But I knew I would be shot down, or I knew this is not someone to rely on in a dating situation! She was hot! I would like to have had her in bed! But I don't think so!

I felt this strange feeling of being less then! When in reality, I should have been more then! Looked up to! So, I got out of their! And I felt good about it! But I didn't get out of their fast enough! And for that; felt bad!

The girl is cute! But thats not enough! You have to look up to me! Something was wrong! I got out of there! The other problem; Im not fully back; Im just starting if that! I don't know that I have started! I am feeling a strange sense of independence for who I really am! As if the past is clearing!
I know who and what the past was; but Im not dependent on it! I can see it, but it cant touch me; Im not enslaved to it or anyone from that time period! As I have seen who they are!

Im shocked and sorry for what I saw and discovered about the past! not one person was on my side; nothing! incredible! it's a strange bizarre story! stranger then fiction; but Im not the only one who has gone through a community death! others like me did not survive such a thing! it happens because Im a decent person and I have God in me and with me! and those around me were evil!

When you walk into a wasp's nest and become friends with all the wasp's! That does not make you a wasp! And you might be so young as to not know; your not a wasp! And suddenly you are destroyed, and attacked relentlessly and you don't know why! And later you find out! They found out you weren't a wasp! You were the enemy! You found out you were different then them! You didn't know! You were a decent independent person with God in you! You just assumed they were! In reality, they did not know what you are talking about! They had no such traits! They were evil! All of them! The whole community! You did not know! And they were kicking you out for it; for being decent and innocent! They saw it as weakness to be taken advantage of! They were like wolves! And you were like a lamb! So they slaughtered you! And you were not to come back ever!

When I left the neighborhood at age 10; it was over for me! I was not wanted back! Nor did anyone remember me or care! I cared!

God seems to be listening to me! But it takes 2 much work for him to respond to me! None of this should have happened! Im a human being! I was ripped away from my home! But later, now I realize! Their never was a home! I was acting on fantasy! Meaning, I thought it was my home; in reality, it was never safe! The people in it were never safe! The neighborhood I lived in was a stranger! It was never safe! And it never knew me or liked me! Never did the school I attended! ###$ them! The school, and all the rest!

The point is! None of it was on my side! But I was a decent person! And I did not know I was not off that neighborhood! Everything was a lie including the scum bag friends I had! ###$ them; and all the rest of the lies! I lost nothing! I had nothing!

I don't know if I cant understand my first love! I think; after I rejected her at the beginning; it was over at that moment! And the rest was in my fantasies! What she offered was real! But she ends up like the rest! A rich stickup sociopath; full sociopath! No; just shallow I guess! Not a sociopath! No! Not really! But she did not care if I ever saw her again! And this makes no sense! I loved her with all my heart! She was an authentic soulmate! But it meant nothing to her! I don't get it! I through her away! But I knew what I had done! And I still loved her! I tried to get back with her! It was her decision to have nothing to do with me! I could have pushed it! I did not! She should have seen the value of things! But technically she didn't have to! I did not tell her to her face, that I loved her for 10 years! And it was 2 late at that point! She had a different life! I was not trying to disrupt her life! I had to tell her though! And I did!

And I take this to God! And I continue to take this to God; always being reassured!


So, Ive had a taste of independence! The feelings that I had as a child! The difference! No ones around from before! Im waking up solidly again in a new situation as if every ones around! The child in me seems to believe in me again; that he's safe! Lets hope I can follow through and trust God as well!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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