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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Social ability; significantly better

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Mar 10, 2018 9:44 pm

Im getting better; like having a snake bite and recovering! the first aspect was letting go of or working through the past until I realized that letting go of the past wont hurt me! Most of the problem was the innocent child in me and what happened in the past; I was completely genocide'd out of existence; no record of me! As if I never had a childhood; all erased; I was erased with it!
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Im now safety, or more safe in the present! My identity has returned to me somewhat!
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Im looking to get stronger and stronger in who I really am and my aims in life!
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From the past; I thought I had to have the original friends or I would give up; have the original friends I grew up with! Unfortunately, I had no friends growing up! I was played a fool; I never knew; I was to young to know! They knew!
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No one cared if they ever saw me again or ever knew me in the first place! Didn't care if I was dead or alive or had ever been born; no one! nothing! No one ever cared; I was thrown away and done away with! no warning! had no idea; and no idea I was living with this type of psychopathy surrounding me! Did not know until it was 2 late! and it was to late! I never had a chance the day my eyes opened into this world!
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Building a new life!
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Im now building a new life from nothing; and I mean nothing, sub-nothing! zero! Completely pre and re structuring of information of self to become a foundation to build on! I was never able to develop in my first life! and that life was killed off!
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Social skills;
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Because of the mass pain within me un able to get near anyone! that is chancing; Im now able to have friends and start to call them back and learn to care about them and give to them first and then receive!
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Im learning how to give to others and watch how they in turn give to me! Im a friend first! IT was impossible to be anyones friend first.
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Im naturally coming out of my shell and getting better! its a very hazardous situation to my safety! meaning, I down feel safe just yet! it will be a while! I have to get better! My mind is still crumbled from PTSD! I get hit with several different worlds at the same time; back drops. When one back drop appears, another will take over as soon as the first leaves! The goal is to understand that non of it is real! Real is here now where Im sitting here now in the present!

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I have allot of un answered goals from the past; dreams that got shattered! Im working on those dreams and defining what I want in the present and turning this into goals!
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The main gaol is to get myself back into the present as a full talented intelligent functioning person in society where I can expand self!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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