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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1005)
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- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
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finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
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Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
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What am I thinking about
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That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Social; first time; performed normally!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:32 am

Ive been writing on this site for 6 years? Iv e been working for 20 years to get to one specific point; to be totally relaxed, totally inline with myself, normal, and cussing and flirting with women that I deem hot; for what ever that means! and their my friends! and why; Because I went up to them several times and started stuff with them! and now Im joking with them and they have no problem with it! They know me! But they don't know all of it! people on this site know!

The point is; I Did it! and I was real and present with no need for a past! no past! it was all in the present!

I look back at what happened to me when young! how horrible! I was never wanted by the houses of people I visited! people I thought were my friends! and now; Im coming back to feeling inline and adjusted as a normal person again! Im weak at it; However, Im seeing signs of alignment!


it was done! It was like being a normal person again! it felt great, normal, expressive!
It didn't last long, and neither did I!

Im learning many things about social; as I wake up! theirs allot of jerks in the world, and sometimes when you say hello to people walking by in a hallway, you get all kinds! and thats part of being social! I got 2 stuck up women; jerks! and a few arrogant stupid thug guys to deal with! and I got several other nice people; and 2 women I talked with! one walked over to me and we talked a bit! and the other; a much harder situation for me! and I've opened it up! and I can joke with her a much dirtier level because were closer! and I was joking just like she was my sister!

And I kept the social to a minimum tonight! I got out of the situation; I was invited to an event; I thought; no! No thanks! this was all I need!

I go to allot of 12 step groups! they've saved my life! but at times, some of the people are low quality! and it gets to me; I land in traps! Im learning to say hi to people with confidence and I get slapped down for it! and thats the way things roll because; if your starting again in the social world like I am; many people will position or pivot on ay! meaning, they will use you to put you down to make themselves look good; filth; thats what we call it from where Im from! and their was filth tonight at the place

The point is; I don't know how to protect myself rom the filth! I walked into a situation where Im open and more confident and randomly saying hi to the bigger group of people Im walking by! the result! halve said hi and meant it! the other filth acted like they were being pulled away from making out with themselves in the merrier!

When I was socializing with this one women! This was accumulation of 10 years of work! or about 6 last years of work! It required brutal bravery for me to walk up to some of these women and start up stuff with them! start talking to them; I drew a heart for one of them and gave it to her! I had to walk up and stand in front of her and give it to her! its hard for anyone! she smiled! but you don't know whats going to happen! As I get better at this; its weird! it doesn't hurt as much! social; when you let your feelings out around others; it feels safe and normal! yet, before I was completely shut down! And with mental illness, far far away in my own world; dissociated from reality!

So, with enough work; things are getting better! its a siy of relief!

I don't like the 12 step meetings! I have to go to get better! I would rather find other people to be around; or, a family life! its not really about the people at the meetings! their fine! its that I don't have a home; Ive been asking God so show me where it is; where is my home! I want to go home; where is it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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