Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
Archives
- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

So close; having a family is the answer

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 26, 2017 11:18 pm

The answer to the rejection and dejection of my past life is a family! Im an extreme family person of decency! I used to watch TV as a kid; and wanted to belong to a family like the ones on TV! I thought I did. I thought I belonged to a family! I was dead wrong; but I did not know! I had no idea of the unfortunate future that would await me as a disposable throw away!
.
Today, What I desire is what I desired as a child! Only this time, I want all past memories gone; for all the memories are of fake people that used me from the first day I met them! I had no idea! but now I know and know better! Thats not happening to me again! However, Ive had to step out completely alone! I mean alone! and nothing is harder; but its possible when God is in charge!
.
So, Im slowly getting stronger and up to speed! the biggest challenge is my thinking; it automatically heads back to negative anger from the past; the pics and movie reels of my life come back and replay themselves a thousand times! My goal is to stop going backward; the goal is focus on what I want! In order to do this; I have to cross a bridge or gap of the unknown! This gap is an area of un developed past stuff; questions never answered! I have to face them, fill them in, get rid of what I down want and move on! ITs going to be hard; I can feel it; but Im close! really really ######6 close!
.
Im 80% of the way their; However, this journey is made of stone; this means Ive still got a large amount of rock hard resistance to work through, to go!
.
One area that freaks me out; when I was very very young; I began to watch TV movies! and watching television all the time; my favorite movies would come on; or they would come on every Saturday or Friday! I had a whole life with history! I would watch the old movies I watched from the beginning of my life! I was really fattened up this way with trust! It was deliberate! meaning, the psychopaths knew exactly; pin point accuracy of what they were doing; and they knew where it was all leading; they knew when they had kids they were going to destroy them; They would use those children; exploit them; groom them into believing everything was alright; get the childs walls down; get their trust, then suddenly pull the rug on them and destroy them permanently! They were murder's! One can murder a child in many ways! Understand that these were educated people!, they are not going to physically kill the children themselves and burry them under the house; their to smart for that; they could loose their jobs! These type of monsters plan everything out! They destroy children to get back at society, Its also a thrill of contempt based power. They want to prove they are above the laws of man. They have a contempt for society and see its people as pray to be fed on! If the psychopath is lucky enough to get their hands on children; they figure its OK to destroy them; its societies fault for allowing it in the first place; just another example of how inferior society is; thats how they think!
.
Im trying to get over the gap of when I was thrown away! The idea is; I was thrown away, now I'm trying to get on my feet again. I have goals like anyone else! I want to love my life and be happy like anyone else; thats what Im working toward!
.
Ive done allot of work!
.
Im getting closer to seeing the gap for what is; brooks and rivers, and Im close to filling in the gaps! When this happens; I can feel it, and then Ill build a bridge across it and walk across this bridge to the next level of focus for my life!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 2029 times

Who is online

Registered users: Allcoulors, Amythyst, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], covertunsure, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, heracles, Majestic-12 [Bot], MSN [Bot], rainbow_sprinkles, rhinobeetle, shayshay, vdgg, Zor