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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (948)
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- July 2019
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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small movements forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 29, 2015 2:07 am

I work with the laws of attraction; Im slowly learning! The idea is to send out the vibration of what I want, and learn to believe that I can have what I want; and wait for the Universe to match it!~ yet, I have to take action to help the Universe in the direction Im interested in! One step at a time!

So far, relationships are moving forward! Im slowly learning what makes things work and what does not!

Im learning; I must emote my feelings! Stop blaming women because Im not able to express myself! My feelings; my responsibility!

Learn to tell the truth or reveal economic secrets by telling people what they are! Im on a disability for PTSD! Its that simple; take it or leave it! This is not the numero uno thing I want everyone to know; but its true; and I need others to know so I can tell how Im going to be treated by others! This has been the scariest thing to tell women!

Disabilities are not paying for you to look good! they are medical conditions that you are receiving relief from the state because its been proven to the local law judge that you cannot compete for work!

How can women get involved with me if I cant pay for anything because I don't have the money? this was my biggest excuse for not getting involved with any humans!

I felt that I was not worthy; their is another word thats better! I had it this morning while riding my bikes!

I felt I was not qualified to be around anyone; so I disqualified myself from life, from this life and life itself! now, Im attempting to qualify myself for life and see what happens! it hurts! but Im doing it anyway! this is really really ######6 ruff!

This money thing has been the biggest thing!

The idea with women; go out with allot of them; and find the ones that are interested! I don't have a car! and I don't have to have anything for them to be interested; they just need to be the right ones! their for, I will be going through plenty of wrong ones for awhile!

Possibly, it's a test from God to see if Im willing to do the work and be honest!

I will accepted by who I am, not the house I live in; or don't live in! But I judge these things!

I would rather judge someone with lots of stuff, then someone with no stuff! I mean; I would rather hang with someone thats got a life! And yet, I don't! Im going on past PTSD worlds that keep springing up in my head and block me!

I am coming back to life!

When I was young; I had a full future ahead of me, in school, socially! Then I was ruined out of school through PTSD and trauma and unbelievable hardship!

I am now 53 years old and coming on strong! My mind is a twisted back mess, but Im waking up and grateful!

The part of me that got a slim chance to understand middle class things; ( I was a latchkey kid that hung with neighbor kids and watch, listened and learned)! The family I came from did not call to check on me when I spent the night at someones house! They did not call me home for supper! They did not check or care about my homework, or if it was done! In fact, looking back at it; I was completely in my own world! At times I would wonder the neighborhood at 6 years old at 2 in the morning! It was an upper middle class neighborhood! But that was a fluke! The psychopaths that bought the house didn't care where it was! And who knows why they bought it! I never asked them! They did not care about me or my future: I was just there!

And I had no idea they didn't care about my future, until it was to late! The family system was simply sold and shut down and boxed up and mailed away! and no more family system! welcome to the world of the sociopath! thats what they do! they are only thinking about themselves and what they can get off of you for nothing! they are predators and sharks! children are objects! they will con and manipulate children just as adults! meaning nothing to them! nothing! no conscious, no remorse! lawless, brutal in their presentation!

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Im feeling better, but heading for insecure times! Im waking up from a very serious brutal situation that will probably send most kids to their death or the streets, or the drug house or the prison system for the rest of their poor lives! No remorse! Blood in; blood out! nurtured into submission! tortured on the way out to freedom; no one gets out of this

Tools;

You learn tools when your young! Your parents show them to you, help you teach them; creating space and a safe place for you to develop! I had no such place! I had a strange development period because I was alone! I was left alone; I was not attacked! My father kept my mother inline! It was a war between them; I had little to do with anything! Those people do not know the first thing about me! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! We are complete strangers!

Psychopaths only concentrate on the outside; nothing more! They do not have compassion, and the truth means nothing to them! They simply brutally mindlessly judge everything in order to feel superior to humans!

If your grades are low, you are considered a worthless scum bag and written off!

If you don't associate with people! You are considered weak!

If you don't act like the psychopath, you are considered weak!

My mother made plenty of judgments on me! All of them wrong and from a complete lunatic! However, telling a small child those horrible things! It demoralized me! She was out to exterminate me verbally and psychologically! Psychopaths want your personality gone, so they can take you over and control you! They consider your identity in the way of their plans!

Sadistic psychopaths destroy, it is their nature! They stop at nothing, for they know no other way of life! They are lizards and when they sense blood, they feed! It's an off on switch and nothing more! They are natural meat eating predators! Meaning, the are aggressively seeking out ways to destroy you and strip you of your humanity!

They will burn you physically, humiliated you publicly, steal your inheritance! And many other horrible costly things!

If you are a child, they will render you useless in the school system! Why would they want you educated! They are trying to destroy your brain and mind so they can use you!

IF they cant use you, or their manipulative opportunistic assembled life is breaking apart! They will pull up shop; sell of everything and leave and never return! You will be given away, and thats that!

Such are the things that happened to me! And I was destroyed through mental illness!

I am now waking ups and remembering!

Tools;
The problem is tools! What type of tools do I use to get back into life! I have no family!

Im doing Ok as far as many things! Food, clothing, rent, heat!

I have a several expensive mountain bikes and a commuter folding bike for going to the store and library and 12 step meetings and the Gym and coffee shop!

Tools; when you're a child, the parents rolls are simple; you protect a child and help them learn to grow and become independent and teach and show and mold them in away that leads to and interest in life and the child's personal interests!

I had none of this!

Now, waking up at 53!~ Where, what, when, how, why?! What do I do! I have no family, or home! Just an apartment in a small town payed for by housing authority and social security!

How do I develop! Thats the next step!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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