Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1138)
- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

small movements forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 29, 2015 2:07 am

I work with the laws of attraction; Im slowly learning! The idea is to send out the vibration of what I want, and learn to believe that I can have what I want; and wait for the Universe to match it!~ yet, I have to take action to help the Universe in the direction Im interested in! One step at a time!

So far, relationships are moving forward! Im slowly learning what makes things work and what does not!

Im learning; I must emote my feelings! Stop blaming women because Im not able to express myself! My feelings; my responsibility!

Learn to tell the truth or reveal economic secrets by telling people what they are! Im on a disability for PTSD! Its that simple; take it or leave it! This is not the numero uno thing I want everyone to know; but its true; and I need others to know so I can tell how Im going to be treated by others! This has been the scariest thing to tell women!

Disabilities are not paying for you to look good! they are medical conditions that you are receiving relief from the state because its been proven to the local law judge that you cannot compete for work!

How can women get involved with me if I cant pay for anything because I don't have the money? this was my biggest excuse for not getting involved with any humans!

I felt that I was not worthy; their is another word thats better! I had it this morning while riding my bikes!

I felt I was not qualified to be around anyone; so I disqualified myself from life, from this life and life itself! now, Im attempting to qualify myself for life and see what happens! it hurts! but Im doing it anyway! this is really really ######6 ruff!

This money thing has been the biggest thing!

The idea with women; go out with allot of them; and find the ones that are interested! I don't have a car! and I don't have to have anything for them to be interested; they just need to be the right ones! their for, I will be going through plenty of wrong ones for awhile!

Possibly, it's a test from God to see if Im willing to do the work and be honest!

I will accepted by who I am, not the house I live in; or don't live in! But I judge these things!

I would rather judge someone with lots of stuff, then someone with no stuff! I mean; I would rather hang with someone thats got a life! And yet, I don't! Im going on past PTSD worlds that keep springing up in my head and block me!

I am coming back to life!

When I was young; I had a full future ahead of me, in school, socially! Then I was ruined out of school through PTSD and trauma and unbelievable hardship!

I am now 53 years old and coming on strong! My mind is a twisted back mess, but Im waking up and grateful!

The part of me that got a slim chance to understand middle class things; ( I was a latchkey kid that hung with neighbor kids and watch, listened and learned)! The family I came from did not call to check on me when I spent the night at someones house! They did not call me home for supper! They did not check or care about my homework, or if it was done! In fact, looking back at it; I was completely in my own world! At times I would wonder the neighborhood at 6 years old at 2 in the morning! It was an upper middle class neighborhood! But that was a fluke! The psychopaths that bought the house didn't care where it was! And who knows why they bought it! I never asked them! They did not care about me or my future: I was just there!

And I had no idea they didn't care about my future, until it was to late! The family system was simply sold and shut down and boxed up and mailed away! and no more family system! welcome to the world of the sociopath! thats what they do! they are only thinking about themselves and what they can get off of you for nothing! they are predators and sharks! children are objects! they will con and manipulate children just as adults! meaning nothing to them! nothing! no conscious, no remorse! lawless, brutal in their presentation!


Im feeling better, but heading for insecure times! Im waking up from a very serious brutal situation that will probably send most kids to their death or the streets, or the drug house or the prison system for the rest of their poor lives! No remorse! Blood in; blood out! nurtured into submission! tortured on the way out to freedom; no one gets out of this


You learn tools when your young! Your parents show them to you, help you teach them; creating space and a safe place for you to develop! I had no such place! I had a strange development period because I was alone! I was left alone; I was not attacked! My father kept my mother inline! It was a war between them; I had little to do with anything! Those people do not know the first thing about me! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! We are complete strangers!

Psychopaths only concentrate on the outside; nothing more! They do not have compassion, and the truth means nothing to them! They simply brutally mindlessly judge everything in order to feel superior to humans!

If your grades are low, you are considered a worthless scum bag and written off!

If you don't associate with people! You are considered weak!

If you don't act like the psychopath, you are considered weak!

My mother made plenty of judgments on me! All of them wrong and from a complete lunatic! However, telling a small child those horrible things! It demoralized me! She was out to exterminate me verbally and psychologically! Psychopaths want your personality gone, so they can take you over and control you! They consider your identity in the way of their plans!

Sadistic psychopaths destroy, it is their nature! They stop at nothing, for they know no other way of life! They are lizards and when they sense blood, they feed! It's an off on switch and nothing more! They are natural meat eating predators! Meaning, the are aggressively seeking out ways to destroy you and strip you of your humanity!

They will burn you physically, humiliated you publicly, steal your inheritance! And many other horrible costly things!

If you are a child, they will render you useless in the school system! Why would they want you educated! They are trying to destroy your brain and mind so they can use you!

IF they cant use you, or their manipulative opportunistic assembled life is breaking apart! They will pull up shop; sell of everything and leave and never return! You will be given away, and thats that!

Such are the things that happened to me! And I was destroyed through mental illness!

I am now waking ups and remembering!

The problem is tools! What type of tools do I use to get back into life! I have no family!

Im doing Ok as far as many things! Food, clothing, rent, heat!

I have a several expensive mountain bikes and a commuter folding bike for going to the store and library and 12 step meetings and the Gym and coffee shop!

Tools; when you're a child, the parents rolls are simple; you protect a child and help them learn to grow and become independent and teach and show and mold them in away that leads to and interest in life and the child's personal interests!

I had none of this!

Now, waking up at 53!~ Where, what, when, how, why?! What do I do! I have no family, or home! Just an apartment in a small town payed for by housing authority and social security!

How do I develop! Thats the next step!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 3748 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], ShadowsMoon, Snaga, Wally58