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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1138)
- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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slowly waking up!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Mar 13, 2016 8:36 am

Im sending out signals faster!

Im getting bugged more in meetings by bully types because Im getting stronger! And out doing them! They are losers! But always have been!

So, I don't know where I will end up! Im getting stronger and will continue to get stronger as long as I keep working on LOA stuff! Business laws of successful thinking, and going to meetings!

Whenever old family stuff comes up! I must remember! They were sociopaths! Psychopaths! They do not exist! They are no family! Never was! I had a father figure; a false one that faked everyone out! Or faked me out! But he kept the rest at bay! They were never real! I did not know what they were! Note did I know I was going to be given away! Their was no family system; nothing! Horribly dangerous! And I was destroyed! It should be against the law for psychopaths to be around children; but it's not! And they get destroyed! All that can be done is after the damage!

So; here I am! Wondering where I go and what I do!

Meetings are getting harder n harder as bullies continue to bother me! It's getting extremely hard, no matter what direction I go to! Or go into!

Im listening more n more to my success stuff on Youtube to understand how the vibrations of the Universe effect my abilities! Thus, the laws of attraction!

Im learning why positive vibes are so important! And Im starting to understand how I was thrown away as a child! In fact; I don't see the reality of it!

Im seeing what my " so called best friend"; and his family; what they were really like! I had no idea! It was all so innocent when I was a child!

I saw a relative of one of the house owners I grew up from; he looked down on me! Thats because he always had! I never knew! I was 2 young! Not to care now!

I learn to forgive and keep forgiving!

I will need other places to go! As I get better, I do not attract more people; they fall away!

So, Im going to have to work with God! Im in the interim of things! Im starting to wake up and remember more memories of my childhood! It's so dam sad! All of it! Its crazy! I had no idea the horror I was in with these people!

I can remember nothing good, or remember anything about those people; the ones I was forced around as a child! Meaning, I do not want to remember any of it or them! In fact, I must get to the place that they do not exist anymore! I was completely wrong about them! They were complete strangers! All of them! Godless! Complete strangers from the beginning! And I did not know!

I never understood these people! Never! And I never understood why they did not help me! None of them cared! I never understood! Now I understand!

The question is; what now! As I get better! What do I do with myself; with my life!

I must work with God! Im not hooked up anywhere to anyone or anything! Where do I hang out! What do I do!

I will get stronger! And ask God for direction and help! Thats the next step! I have simply keep going and get stronger! I have allot of pain and anger to get out!

The problem is; Im not hooked up to any place; just meetings! I have to turn to God for help! Help, help, help! Where to go; what to do!

Keep going to meetings; keep getting stronger!

I haven't got anyone on my side in these places! Not really!

Must trust God and keep going!

I have no family; so, I must talk to God about bringing me another family of people that want to help!

Ive been praying about a soulmate!

Im now seeing it again! Im seeing the word friend or friendship! Or best friend!

Im seeing the word best-friend attached to a women; and the word adorable, and lovable! And mine; and many other things! It's the word friend! A real friend! I remember!

So, I know she's out their! Ive prayed and done the work for a soulmate! She is always of asian background! And I don't know that this has to mean anything! And she is from Hawaii!

A Hawaiian Soulmate? OK! I wonder who she is and where she is! A beauty queen! And her parents are wealthy! This is what Im manifesting!

Most importantly is " friend"! Thats whats most important!

She is my friend! But more then this! Best-friend! And this has real meaning to me! Very deep spiritual ritual meaning! Im remembering the first soulmate I had!

I had no idea what was wrong with me when younger! Now I know! I wish I didn't! Its all so horrible and sad!
No human being on this planet cared about me! No one!

The sociopaths wrecked my name in the communities I lived in! This is not uncommon! They are sadistic; this is what they do!

However, the upper middle class families that I knew, many of those in their house holds hated me at a later date! hated me with a passion! they acted like I was a thief and scum! what was interesting was; Im not! never was! I was the one who was decent! it was interesting to be in a room of people that hated me without a cause! sickening!

What does it say about a group of people who hate someone who is honest like myself! what does this say about them! This shows their true colors! I have no respect for people who hate honest decent people! Yet, these monsters were upper middle class rich! Yet, it matters not! they were criminals! They may not have known it! I knew it!

I was treated like a second class citizen and never understood why! I tried and tried to figure out what went so horribly wrong with these people! simple! they never treated me with any respect for being a human being! I wondered why they picked me out of the crowd to turn me into a scape goat! then I realized it! I was not the only one! No other human beings were showing up around them; The only people they associated with were people like themselves! and I was not like them! I was a nice person! I was a sensitive kind person! I was not like them! and never would be! I made the mistake of associating with them when young! However, concerning everything was wrong when I was young! this does not surprise me!

I was in the wrong neighborhood for the wrong reasons! The psychopaths never moved into this neighborhood because they were rich! they moved into this neighborhood because they wanted to look rich to outside people and sources! They cared nothing about the neighborhood! meaning; they cared nothing about the children living in their house or what school those kids went to! it was all fake! it was a fluke I ended up in this neighborhood! I was different then the other kids in the neighborhood! but I didn't know it! I would find this out later! most of those kids were stuck up rich kids! and I did not know that I was not one of them! later I would find out! and I would find out that none of them were my real friends; not one! Possibly a few from the outside blocks down the street in the other direction!

I had no idea that I was a fair whether friend! As soon as trouble hit in my life; they were gone! their was no human interest in me; never had been! it was all in my mind!

I was the most kind and nice a decent of people; no one cared! Im now attempting to get this nice person back; away from the long term PTSD!

No one knows Im a nice person! They think allot of negative stuff! I don't tell people! I let their character decide what I am! If they don't have the character to see my worth! I don't help them!

Ive had several people miss judge me completely so badly I did not recognize how they were seeing me; viewing me! They were trying to make me into a bad person; not the first time!

Im all alone! But Im trying to tell the Universe I am or want to be or desire a group of people on my side that want to help! And Im looking for reconnection to society in a positive way! I will have to ask for help to come soon! I don't want to be alone! I need some safety!

PTSD; This is a big problem right now with triggering! As I move past my past, everything is getting triggered! As I become more independent; I am seeing times when a child of being more independent! And thus, I see my father and best friend; who was never a friend!

All of these people from my past! I must remember what and who they were; and the kind of trash they were! Or worse! They turn out with no conscious or very little conscious! I mean nothing to them; I am a complete stranger! A weirdo to them!

I am not a weirdo; Im a decent kind respectable person who was around weirdoes! The biggest problem is being alone! No support! The meetings have to many creeps in them to count them as valuable! And many creeps will start taking over the meetings and turn them into private cult groups or click groups!

Fear; Fear is; I have no place to go home to! I don't have a house or family, and the original people I grew up with are gone! And everything was destroyed for me young! So, Im alone now as I wake up ! Very insecure and nerve wracking! I must take these thoughts to God!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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