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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
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- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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slowly moving into the next phase

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue May 24, 2016 4:36 am

The next phase is happening for me!

Im into the next phase

I have one women that Ive patched things up with a bit! Im not interested in dating her! Id like to sleep with her! But I have to learn to be friends with her! This means no acting out; not acting needy or weird! And not over doing it; getting jealous because many other guys around her are getting attention from her! I have to let it go! And be myself! This is so ######6 hard! My goal is to come back to reality; come back!

Im starting to get sick to my stomach of some of the people Im around because they have no conscious! And Im finally starting to move away from them! No more interest! Nothing! They can ######6 stay away! So, there are sacrifices!

Im slowly growing back into who I once was! ITs horrible to think Im all alone! No one knows or cares! I got my interests from TV when I was young! I had no other influences! I saw things on TV when I was a boy that I wanted to be like! I did not know that I was not watched or taken care of or loved or my schooling was important! Nothing was! I was being completely used; and that person died! And now Im trying to get that person back!

None of this is easy! Its all hard, and sad! And don't ever expect anyone to really understand! You're trying to come back into the real world from La LA land!

I have the full legal right to be nuts the rest of my life! It was my choice to take the chances long ago, to get better! And I have gotten better!

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Nothing is more hard hit then relations with women! Im slowly learning to let go of most! Most is about looking at their costumes of makeup and dresses! So, nothing is real! And I don't know most of them up close and I don't know that I want to!

I have one or two people; that is all that are still friends with me! Why, Im not sure! Maybe attention! I have to learn not to blow it! Keep cool!

I have allot of PTSD that gets in the way; Im trying to clear my mind of! I have several separate lives from different time periods! Each buried or destroyed! And each life comes up or comes back in the form of PTSD!

I have to keep working on my goals! The number one goal is to have a goal with no doubts! If I told you I was interested in a Toyota truck! It would be with no doubts; thats the goal! The goal is no doubt that I will have it! Completely positive, even if I don't know where the money is coming from; doesn't matter, I know it will show up because Im completely positive with no doubts! And thats where Im headed!

The hardest part is loneliness! Im not around the right people for relationships! And Im not sure where they are! I guess I should define whom Im looking for! But I don't know! I have to keep seeking and knocking and doing the work!

Who is my soulmate; what does she look like, act like! What does she do! What are her traits!

I have allot of studying to do!

I have to keep up with my stories of my future until I believe so badly that they have no choice but to be true!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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