Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (918)
- June 2019
Lonely and still here
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Sharp objects

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Sep 18, 2013 6:38 pm

Im hitting the sharp objects a bit faster these days, and with more clarity! ( Im more awake) Im about 50/50 present in reality, relative to 100% submerged into my own world! the rest is dissociative disorder and long term PTSD!
PTSD problems are less painful then before! it just runs through my head like many thick rivers intertwining each other! It used to destroy me and torture me! It still destroys me! Im dealing with it!

Many people are not nice, and they don't play nice! they cheat! Ive been getting cut up emotionally and spiritually from many uncaring people! As I get better, Im willing to tell the truth! Im telling the truth to people that do not have the character for it!

Im getting better or stronger, and Im beginning to notice the little things! Possibly how I feel as I approach another person!

When I was young; a child, I was happy! I had a father that loved me, or at-least seemed to love me! My mother was not much of the picture thank God! My father kept her in line!

Im getting my memories back of that childhood! The child in me of that time is looking around at that time period (1970) and is looking at me as I look around in this time period 2013! At some point they will meet, and the child will be present in this present time period! When that happens and I feel safe, I will create a new life like the one I left!; and this is starting to happen! parts of me are present! and I see many problems because I am present!

THings are really hard right now! the PTSD world is colliding with the real world! Im not safe inside myself! Im not safe outside myself... I have to deal with a greater freedom of reality! This is a good thing, but so is a soothing cream bath for a burn victim! it will save his/her life, yet it hurts like hell to take the scream cream medicine to get better.

I approached this women at my building, she was outside on the steps. As I smoothed up on her! slowly, I felt a strange calm confident strength; the strength of being in the here and now!


Ive had many women like me! BUt they wanted it their way and never got it their way! I never responded in the time zone they wished for! By the time I felt better about myself and in control of myself and my ideas,, they found other people! they switched me out for other people! I was replaced..

I had 2 sisters hitting on me at the same time! That was unusual! they both hit on me openly! I guess with women its a competition thing! neither sister seemed mad at the other over the outcome! neither seemed to be bothered by the other as they both hit on me independently at the same time or close to it! certainly in the same rooms at the same time! Interesting..

Im understanding that when a women is trying to get your attention all the time, she is not trying to be your psych nurse, she wants you!@ You are for boyfriend material! I never saw that! I do not know why! I think the older sister was 24, the younger sister 21.. not bad for me! Im almost 51; did not faze them a bit.. they had a definite agenda! they wanted a man! They wanted man food, and my name was on the cooky jar!

Im still sick! I have more PTSD based stuff to work through!
Im slowly coming back from dissociative disorder! Its like a whirl pool that swirls downward, on its perimeters is an electric fence I cannot walk through or touch!

The muscle around my mind continues to get stronger, that it prop up my mind to more awareness of its surroundings.. As it gets stronger, I am more aware of things around me in the outside world; if my mind gets weaker, it collapses into itself and more PTSD screens become reality, and the outside world is shut out! However, I cannot tell if Im in the inner-self or the outer real world! At that point, I do not know where Im at or who I am! The dissociative disorder comes back, and Im in a virtual dilution illusion!

I could not have girlfriends! I needed a psych nurse as girl friend! I just wanted friends, and then have that develop!

The strange things is! Im the one that needs to be friends first, then I will think about going out!

When this breaks, and I no longer need others to understand my condition, I will start dating!

I have not been able to date anyone while Ive been sick! Ive been married to the sickness, Ive been taken hostage by the sickness, and trapped by the sickness. Its very serious sad situation!

And Im learning that possibly, one cant date when they are mentally sick! I cant, and I attract women like a vacuum attracts dirt! Well, I attract my fair share of any group! However, it does not matter, when your mind is not strong enough, you cannot interact correctly with people, or hold your own in a relationship! I automatically withdraw and wont get near anyone.. I am getting better!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 3803 times

Who is online

Registered users: Alex618, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], DaturaInnoxia, Dnester, Exabot [Bot], Gauss, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, hocdsufferer, ItsJustUs, jamesfromjames, justonemoreperson, LearningToo, Majestic-12 [Bot], OMNICELL, rainbow_sprinkles, Squaredonutwheels