Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Sexual addiction

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:19 am

I haven't blogged to much on sex.. I haven't had the need.. my sexual self is fine.. Meaning its my business, not yours.. Nor will it ever be yours.. However, tonight I talk about it because it is effecting my outside life... and first I talk about the social life ....

A strange thing I just mentioned. " an outside life"..... My alters are speaking up wanting to use the word "we"//// "We have a social life"
I am learning and developing very slowly in the outside.. Outside my apartment... Im sticking.. meaning, Im staying longer on the outside.. I get into trouble, I stay outside and fix the trouble.. I don't run home... Im getting slowly stronger.. the price is absolutely brutal. I would hope others would not have to be humiliated the way I am... The humiliation is helping me to snap up and wake up... The humiliation occurs when I do not construct boundaries against stupid people. I need halting behavior; either to stop them or to stop their behavior or to run...

Im noticing allot of guilt and shame stuff thrown at me over and over and over.. Passive aggressive stuff. ALso, boundary breaking.. hidden hatred loathing and disgust...

People do not understand me.. They don't need to.. They never will. Regular people cop attitudes and judgments about people when they meet them.. Im afraid I was hated from the beginning.. I have to trust God.. As I get stronger, I take more chances. I like to flip it back! and flip my mouth off to people concerning what I really believe. Ive noticed that the arrogant hate for me seeps through the false smiles and laughter.. It is rough, and I will keep taking it as long as I can... I am slowly remembering and waking up...
This idea is that I win.. my status becomes complete and I then move on.. Many of the people around me sense this is what Im doing and attempt to block me... They will not allow me to win. What they do not understand: I win by showing up and getting the experience. Its not about them blocking me. However, Creepo blockers also like to create deep seated resentments, resentments that push me back into there direction for a fight.. I am learning to feel that deep fire and let it go. However, I return again and again for me, that I build up. It is Gods orders and it is painful and humiliating and it is working.. The sward must be put into the fire if it is to be hardened.

At some-point when I am strong enough I will let go.. As the people will never let me be. They will continue to destroy out of jealously and hate..

Im afraid these people to don't have a clue about me... nothing... These are average people. Normal, OK people. a bit on the resentment against life phase; not all. Just your average people.

I feel for all the children that will die from PTSD and other problems of giving up... Im so sorry. This community Im in could kill 10,000 just by maintaining there ignorance... Murder is murder; there is no excuse...
--------------------------------------------------------

Sexual addiction:

Even the therapists didn't mind... They understood I could not get close to any people. All that someone in my condition had was porno... Not abnormal.. Is it sexual addiction.. Hmm, sort off. It is brought about by the inability to have intimacy and the dissociative state...

lately, Ive been around more and more women at a closer proximity, and strange things are happening..

First, the desire for some of them is spilling through... My interest in them, my want of them.. My sexual depravity for them... Well, thats not true.. Its more a need for love.. Im not used to being so close and present. I am not used to the feelings coming out of me for these beautiful young women. Im not used to being close to them. Its shocking me a bit. First thing that came to mind is Im seeing them sexually and it shows, and that shocked me. I thought to myself; I have to control this, get used to not showing these feelings when around people. The sexual addiction triggers are turning on. Im not used to it in the real world. Im not used to working it in the real world.

My goal is to get close to people; this wont happen if I have sex written all over me.. the want of sexual relations,. or the neediness of lust propelled at someone. Im going to have to get used to these feelings and circumvent them.

Sexual feelings are not what Im seeking to bring out in a conversation on an open porch at a social gathering. I will attempt to understand what my goal is.

It is quit shocking to see women as sex at the wrong moments... Im used to looking at a computer screen. I don't think my eyes could tell the difference from the computer world Im used to, or the real world I have not been involved in. Adjustments are coming..

As for sex with women. Im not worried about that or interested in it at this time. That will come when I have an intimate relationship with them...

First I have to learn to get closer, ask questions, make them laugh, pay attention to them.. I have a whole world of interaction of basic "give and take" to work on. I have to get used to rejection before I do anything with anyone...
-------------------------------------------------------

As for social; At some point I will have to leave the situations Im in. Im not appreciated by anyone for anything ... Im being played as a negative scape goat. Its abusive and I need to work with God on this.. Very dangerous stuff....

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 4891 times

Who is online

Registered users: 58gambling, Aries411, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], Elme, everyone23, firain, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Hyuukichan123, IainEtc, Johnny-Jack, Majestic-12 [Bot], Mylottobuff, SEttrustfy, Squaredonutwheels, xdude