Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

self centeredness and recovery

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:39 am

Im still lonely, life is still a struggle. I continue to get memories of my early life! A life I wanted to develop. The idea was; when I receive support I will develop. I had great ideas, and wanted an independent life like anyone! It never happened. I was living in a dead house of demons, While I loved God! I never knew until it was to late. I was destroyed..

I am lonely as I battle back to life. It is not easy. Im used to nothing being easy! Its a fierce battle being alive!
I was hated and rejected at every turn when I was younger! decent innocent sensitive people are hated in this world; it is incredible! Satan is in charge of everything it seems, its his world and most people that I meet are working for him; they never knew! Not everyone. Im not trying to go pathological on this subject! I believe many people are on his side more then Gods and they are not aware of it!

ITs better to struggle within a group, then struggle naked under a bridge in the winter time!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I believe its essential for anyone in the recovery process to belong to a 12 step group of some kind! Or something similar where there is no cross talking. Where there are dances, and bowling, and get- togethers, and conventions. Some place with a group of people with similar struggling are looking for recovery!

Ive noticed how self centered character issues are pointed out to me! No one actually comes up and says anything, I listen to others stories and hear my story! Im so caught up in my own pain, that I cant see past the trees.

I try to keep a false face up, that others wont see that Im wounded! It would show that I'm weak, and I don't want others to see this because I have contempt for them. Im using them like pawns! Yet, Im getting better, and this thick delusion is slowly fading, fading to a point that I do not need to use people before they use me!

ITs about being wounded and nothing I can do about it! and not ready to admit to others, I still need people to much to be friends with them! I still need to be loved that I love myself.

----
I am slowly reaching out, shaking hands, getting hugs, making social mistakes.. Im slowly working my way in the real world, to a new way of thinking.

When I work things through in the real world from a recovery standpoint, I learn to be safe in the outside world again; then I start to see the truth!

Im finding people do not hate me like I thought they did! I thought I was a threat to people! Now I think they are less scary! Red flags do appear! I have to be careful. It means I need to be in a group of people on a regular basis to get feedback...

I have to keep lifting weights and loose weight! I need to loose 10 pounds. Yet, its hard! and driving me crazy!

---
Its hard letting go of the past when you know it will never return. You never wanted it to end! and you were to young to process what happened to you. Now I have a whole head full of unprocessed information! Im waiting for it to work itself out! or reconnect and be worked through and vanish! so much fear, terror and humiliation associated with these memories. Perpetrators and there crimes, and I was attacked when I was sick and weak and could not defend myself, or I was to young.. The whole thing is so sick, and Im so sick that these type of sycophants were ever allowed around me!

I was brought up by sociopaths, therefore, my life was doomed and I never knew it! I know it now, and I have escaped their doom. They almost got me. I went down with the Titanic, God resurrected me from the bottom of the ocean and helped me walk back to civilization! I am permanently changed with damage!

Im sad and so sorry! sorry for a life like this! Im so sad because 1o,000 people would never make it, never survive what I was put through! IT feels odd and alone in many ways. I still feel like an alien on mars.

My life died! Im now in Gods care, and I need not forget this, nor forget where I came from.

Sometimes I cruz the teenage suicide or bullicide videos, these keep me inline, and help me to never trust this place ( the world) or forget what happened to me or where I came from! And never forget that anyone can turn on you! nothing can be trusted! only God can be trusted, nothing else. This does not mean I hide in my room. It means that people are an evil lot, and you can never tell who you are dealing with! and I still head out word, outside, for recovery!

A life can be built out of this mess, and that is what I intend to do..

It is better to be a live rat then a dead king!

Im preying for places to create music stuff!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 10372 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher