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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (918)
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- June 2019
Lonely and still here
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Secret development!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:40 pm

Secret development; this is what kids have from a good family! Kids from good families are learning how to become independent! They are left alone to gain their own experiences! They are aware that they are left alone!

In my case; for a short time; I was left alone from my mother because the father figure in the group made her do so! He was a sociopath; He would not do this for my sake; For the sociopath does not know me or care! He is an animal hiding in a disguise! So, he's not trying to protect me! He couldn't care less! He does not care about my survival! So; Whats going on here?................

He is controlling his wife out of his territory! I am no different then his snowmobile or truck! Im a mindless object that he owns! Since Im his property! And he is the ruler of the house! She will not get involved! She is forced to feed me or do my laundry! And she will continue to do so until she thinks she is getting a raw deal! Meaning; If she gets money out of this or position; she will continue with this Charade! However, if she gets nothing out of this; she is gone!

My father kept her at bay for a few years! When he finally showed his true colors; he left! And I was left with her! I was less then an object! More like the value of a bic pen! I had no value! I had no value from the neck down! I was nothing but exploited meet; but I did not know it! No one was interested in my development or my future or my present! I was simply getting and being used!

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I was trying to develop myself outside the home! I spent most of my time outside the home! I was never home! I was at school or friends houses!

I had to go to summer school allot every year! Now looking back at it! I had to do this because I did not finish any assignments for my classes! I didn't finish any assignments because no one was making me finish anything because no one cared!

I had great potential and I was being used ruthlessly! And did not know it! They knew what they were doing! They did not have kids for just any reason! They had their own sick twisted reasons for using children! They certainly didn't care what happened in their future!

I was 2 smart to be in summer school all the time!
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As soon as my father left; it was over for me! My mother sold the house I grew up in; she was gone!

Technically, this would have been the last time I ever saw her; Thank God! But it wasn't because I did not have any idea of what was going on!

One gruesome unfortunate for the children caught in a death situation like this; The only people that will tell you whats happening to you are your parents; but what if the parents are the ones destroying you! You have no chance !

My childhood and everything I knew about life was ruptured out of existence! Thus the real work of The psychopath or sociopath or both!

Remember; I have brothers; but they are strangers! I have no interest from them! I don't exist! And never will again! Im never thought of!

Im never thought of again! And I was never thought about in the first place! And never will be! And most of my trouble is trying to negotiate life with no help! For most of it; it is confusing at best! And I was trampled and ran down and cannot keep up! My potential is never used! Im in 2 much trauma and no one cares! Ridiculous!

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Here n now:

After being destroyed at a young age; when it's happening to you and you have no place to get help and no one to call out to; you are slammed with PTSD! And your mind comes to the front! You no longer use your imagination; you are in pure survival mode! You mind is gone or you are locked out of the thinking processes! Its all psychological animal survival!

Unfortunately; later, I am made into a bad kid in school! Im hacked and brought to the principles office as a bad kid; Im now blamed as a black sheep for the school problems! Of course, nothing could be further from the truth! Im the nicest innocent person in the world who is being destroyed by the upper middle classes! If you don't understand this; look at the Jesus story in the Bible! The point is made that it's a group or community of people that murder Jesus; not just one murder! Jesus is not a criminal! He's a descent honest person and they will kill him! Not just one! But many; and from different economic classes! Thus; the same thing happened to me; or was happening to me!

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In the present;

After much recovery work; Im now the 12 year old that was asking questions to God! " God?, how do I regain the developmental years I lost as a child; where do I go, I have no mother or father or school system to rework my personality"! " do you know what Im looking for, do you know where it is"!

So; lately, Ive been moving in a mystical spiritual direction created by God! God is directing the whole thing; he is bringing me the right people to study! And he's allowing me to feel safe while doing so! And Im naturally moving into areas of development that are effecting the growth of the 12 years old with in! And this is truly amazing! Only God could create the specific journey I need for healing!

Im in the middle of waking up again; this time; Im waking up as a well educated upper middle class sensitive artist person! A real decent home based cultural person; much like when 8 years old!

Il look at it this way; I could have become a PHD teaching in higher education or a street bum drunk nut bar! I ended up a little of both! but my identity slipped into the later; mental illness patient with little hope! street numb bum with an alcoholism potential beginning to show! I had the same problem in high school with drugs! most of it induced from shear neglect! using drugs was the last thing of interest I had when a boy! but after the home was taken away! and I had to leave; I was never the same; and did not care about anything! I just wanted to die!


Lately, Im awakening! The 12 year old is getting fed the right information for independent growth! This growth is at a high level of intelligence! its a high frequency needed! and a high frequency is hitting me where I need it! wonderful!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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