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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (946)
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- July 2019
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Saying goodbye to my mother

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:55 am

My mother was a psychopath. I have to say goodbye to her to move on; I've done this in many different ways. I'll never see her again. I never saw her all that much when I was younger; I was abandon most of the time. sickening. However, my point is; I have to say goodbye to her. I've written letters to say goodbye and prayed about her as if she was already dead. and forgave her many times in step work; from working 12 step systems stuff with the sponsor. however, to move on, I have to completely feel and understand she is completely gone from my life that I can move forward. and I'm at that place. so; what does this feel like to let go of one's mother. Well, it hurts; no possibility or chance of the child in me ever getting a mother or any past memories satisfied. Its real; that's the problem; I've learned to pray for her energy, or blueprint, her essence in heaven; For it is always in heaven; and I can pray for her; this blueprint; For when she is energy again; she will be a 4-year-old girl again who will never remember any of this life experience; my mother was a human being when very little, then destroyed.
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So; I must forgive my mother any last thing and move forward with my life, and I can because I've already done it numerous times; forgiven her; prayed for her. It's not that hard; However, its the absoluteness of the whole thing.
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I remember going homeless; the day I had to walk through those doors. its an absolute; once leaving through those doors; I'm never coming back. Its terrorizing to face.
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I'm at this point of change; moving forward with little insecurity about saying goodbye and standing on my own; I've been working toward this for many years, and it's about to happen, or the beginnings of it are about to happen. What does this mean; it's about to happen; it means, its a place of confidence. I've got the confidence to move forward. I've rebuilt my life without this past family system or anyone else. However, I've had great help from those in the recovery processes of many different areas, I've not gotten any help from the people of the past; I've been alone.
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I've attempted to get back the developmental years I missed; looks like this will happen. it's already happening, and it already happened in many respects; I'm starting out at a healthy state regardless of my emotional age. I would say my emotional age is of a good age; whether it be 14 or 16 or 18; some place in the teen years I would say; but of a well-developed person.
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Money is a big big issue; this concerns my ability to allow the universe to help me have money consciousness, and this is happening slowly; it is happening; I have much work to do in this area. Once this has been established; I feel my confidence will be at a generalized solid level across the board. That does not mean Ill have new money yet or things; it means I'll have a new brain when dealing with the concept of future money interests; I'll be in the here n now and motivated with belief and confidence concerning money and achieving my dreams.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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