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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Saying goodbye to my mother

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 28, 2019 1:55 am

My mother was a psychopath. I have to say goodbye to her to move on; I've done this in many different ways. I'll never see her again. I never saw her all that much when I was younger; I was abandon most of the time. sickening. However, my point is; I have to say goodbye to her. I've written letters to say goodbye and prayed about her as if she was already dead. and forgave her many times in step work; from working 12 step systems stuff with the sponsor. however, to move on, I have to completely feel and understand she is completely gone from my life that I can move forward. and I'm at that place. so; what does this feel like to let go of one's mother. Well, it hurts; no possibility or chance of the child in me ever getting a mother or any past memories satisfied. Its real; that's the problem; I've learned to pray for her energy, or blueprint, her essence in heaven; For it is always in heaven; and I can pray for her; this blueprint; For when she is energy again; she will be a 4-year-old girl again who will never remember any of this life experience; my mother was a human being when very little, then destroyed.
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So; I must forgive my mother any last thing and move forward with my life, and I can because I've already done it numerous times; forgiven her; prayed for her. It's not that hard; However, its the absoluteness of the whole thing.
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I remember going homeless; the day I had to walk through those doors. its an absolute; once leaving through those doors; I'm never coming back. Its terrorizing to face.
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I'm at this point of change; moving forward with little insecurity about saying goodbye and standing on my own; I've been working toward this for many years, and it's about to happen, or the beginnings of it are about to happen. What does this mean; it's about to happen; it means, its a place of confidence. I've got the confidence to move forward. I've rebuilt my life without this past family system or anyone else. However, I've had great help from those in the recovery processes of many different areas, I've not gotten any help from the people of the past; I've been alone.
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I've attempted to get back the developmental years I missed; looks like this will happen. it's already happening, and it already happened in many respects; I'm starting out at a healthy state regardless of my emotional age. I would say my emotional age is of a good age; whether it be 14 or 16 or 18; some place in the teen years I would say; but of a well-developed person.
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Money is a big big issue; this concerns my ability to allow the universe to help me have money consciousness, and this is happening slowly; it is happening; I have much work to do in this area. Once this has been established; I feel my confidence will be at a generalized solid level across the board. That does not mean Ill have new money yet or things; it means I'll have a new brain when dealing with the concept of future money interests; I'll be in the here n now and motivated with belief and confidence concerning money and achieving my dreams.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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