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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Responding to people!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Aug 18, 2018 1:43 pm

Responding to people; that is where Im headed. PTSD gets in the way when up close to people! Im getting to the point; better people are necessary in order to have a full life; better quality people; thats been the problem! I have not trusted the concept of better quality people; I thought I would not be accepted! Ive been around " better people" before; it turned out to be a bunch of upper middle class filth; no respect for anything; the same scum that would sell out arms to armies fighting their own people/soldiers; same kind of turn coats! filth! worthless!
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What does better quality people look like; I have to define it! and align it with God; genuine people, real people, kind people; people that know their purpose? not sure yet; educated people! yes? dont know yet! Ill study it and come up with it! And Im afraid it will be the same for women! I have to find better quality women; or have them brought to me by God!

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Most of the problem Im having with women; their 2 faced and infidelity! These are not traits of a relationship! This is an unsuccessful approach to relationship life; Im not suggesting women that want to sleep around are bad; not my business! I would love to sleep with every women I meet; I understand! However, I would not want someone like that for a serious relationship! So; I must find better people; people of a higher frequency!
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I have to become the quality Im looking for in others; This is not easy!
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ITs hard; this gap! I have to work on it! keep working at it!
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If I cannot trust a women; its because other behavior! I get disappointed! 7 billion people in the world; 3 1/2 billion are women; I must work with God to get them to me or me to them through new journeys! Ive got to look at what Im looking for in people!
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Ive got to really assess what Im looking for; its driving me crazy! Im Oke with this; being crazy! I shave allot of work to do rebuilding my life!
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Ive felt so alone; but; I have a developing success base of understanding and thinking! So; Im stronger and must work with God to manifest what I want!
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Responding to people means being free to open up to people and respond to them without shame or guilt!
Ive felt horribly ashamed of not having enough money! enough to do anything with my life! This is horrible; Ive had to depend on people for things; I hate it! So; I must work with God for my freedom! Feeling less then around people; the solution is to have a family and enough money to do the things I want to do without others involvement; others meaning the outside world!

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I kiss up to survive in the outside world! and I dont want to think this is the only way I can live! I would like to define something better for my life and align it with the universe !

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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