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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (918)
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- June 2019
Lonely and still here
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Resistance to Asian soulmate; to girlfriends; to women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Aug 24, 2018 2:10 am

My only interest in women is dating; I do not want a bunch of girls as friends unless Im already established the ability to date who I want to date!
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When I was 14; I was very popular in school; one of the reason; I had met the need cheerleader of the school; that summer; and loved her with all my heart! I have to stop writing as I write this because I loved her so much; she would have been my wife; if I had not turned on her! I mean; we would have developed together and I would have married her; she was my soulmate God brought me!
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Because I had an intimate relationship with her established; becoming popular with other; other women was easy!
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Now; Im looking to develop again with women; and with an Asian soulmate! However, their is resistance! I believe I have childhood resistance! I used to see Hawaiian beauties on tv as a kid and dream about them not really believing I could have one some day! Now; I feel the same ways; its only a dream! However, women like me! They find me interesting and intelligent; fascinating, alluring; charming!
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Resistance resides! So; that is where the work is! and Im tied to the outcome! meaning; Im attached to he outcome out of insecurity! And I have to leave that insecurity and feel good about myself if I dont manifest a specific manifestation! I cant worry about what I manifest!
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Im tied to the outcome out of low self esteem and worth problems! So; I have a low opinion of myself! So; This has to be broken! its not realistic! I have to come out of this dissociative state concerning women and come through it to reality and start dating again; Their is a block like steal holding me back! So; I have to keep at it! keep digging into it! Ill get their! its one of the last forms of dissociation thats not been touched by recovery!
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However, Ive gotten to the point that I can ask beautiful women for phone numbers and have conversations with them! So; Ive gotten that far; Im still intimidated by them; and this is a huge problem because they are up into my face; its to much for me; PTSD wise! Its to fast; they come at me physically to fast; I have dissociative disorder and shut down! What do I need; I simply need to get a phone number from a women I really think is hot and I want to date and call it; and want to really go out with her; sleep with her; have conversations with her; hang out with her!
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As I write about getting close to women; their is a horrible sense of restraint and resistance! Its coming from they earlier teenage years, and adolescence; starting at about 8 years old and working through 13 years old! or 14 years old! its merciless. These years have to be dealt with; writing about them; I start dissociating; its that maddening and strong! sucks! I have to keep working at this! brake through!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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