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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Remembering

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Sep 28, 2015 5:51 pm

Slowly, very slowly, Im starting to remember! Im starting to remember without the help or triggering of those from the past!

I really like the idea of family! However, families rejected me as a boy! I still do not understand why! Possibly, they needed a scape goat! I don't know!

I actually figured it out! And have been writing about it!

I was in the wrong neighborhood! No fault of my own! I was still treated horribly! However, does this not ring of a miss understanding of values! If these individuals had different values then me! Will trouble start! I think so!

I took a chance on people in this neighborhood! I took a chance! They didn't owe me anything unless they went against their own values; They did not! They did not have the same value system I had!

As a child; I assumed they would have my values; I assumed they would have my values! They did not! This fought me something or told me something! Possibly, I was in the wrong neighborhood!

They made it clear! I was! I was in the wrong neighborhood! And would like it if I left the way I came in! I was not accepted; I did not have the credentials!

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Skiing and getting my own values back! Im afraid I had my own value system when growing up! I did not have the pathological value system of the upper middle class neighborhood I was exposed to for a few years! When others began to see that I was a human being, I was treated much like Christ! I was destroyed! Ridiculed, dehumanized! I was treated like a Jew from world war 2; as if in a Nazi prison camp of death! I was legally destroyed!

Skiing is something I missed! I would like to have it back! I refused or could not ski because of the association with my father who was no better then a serial rapist! In fact; calling him a father is a strange sick thing to do! He hurt children! Set them up, groomed them, brainwashed them! ###$ him and anyone like him!

He turned on myself and my brothers! We were just kids! And I watch him destroy everyone! It was all fun n games for him; he did not pay a price! He couldn't care less! He felt no responsibility to his own created family! Sick ###$! He was a narcissistic sociopath! Very evil and very dangerous!

Sociopaths do not tell you what they are! They do not help you to understand why they are dismantling you; specifically while you are a child!

It is huge brutality! It is horribly unfortunate!

I was treated so horribly by these people that I could not become one of them; I simply did not reality to their level of in human treatment of others; brutality! It was like being in a prison camp of continues fed hatred! As if someone was sending hate and death words at you day n night to de program you into submission! It was like being in a death camp!

The players involved are all from the same bigger family systems! A family history and system of sociopaths and psychopaths!

I was not one of them; but I was destroyed by them!

Like the guys in the civil war! When they saw to much conflict and battle, it ruined their minds! But they never knew! They never heard of PTSD! And for them it was 2 late! Their minds would be ruined; Finally, they would kill themselves!

And the same thing happened my my sensitive expressive intelligent mind! Ravished with PTSD and other problems; it gave way to Dissociative disorder; I stopped talking and writing, and could no long be present for relationships or work or activities of any kind! I attempted drugs and alcohol as a method of medication and redemption! I got hooked; that didn't work!

I hid in porn, and forgot all about my art interests!
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Now, Im working with God and the Universe and my therapist to regain my original memories of self! My ambitions and dreams and interests! What made me feel enthusiastic! What did I get up in the morning for! Thats what Im working on! I want my memories back! I want self back!

Its in me! The original me! Im attempting to let go of codependence on the past and all the players who played in it! Attempting to let go of the past and move into the present to build a real future!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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