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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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relationships are a mess

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:28 pm

In a perfect world: the dissociative would be put in a situation where;

1. a group of understanding caring people
2. A girl notices and is attractive and is attracted
3. The girl can listen to me share and get to know me from a distance, understanding Im starting over from the beginning and all that baggage to go with it.
4. Im immature, Ive never had a real relationship and she accepts it
5. she's crazy about me, beautiful and young, she only wants me obsessively
6. She's popular and outgoing...
7. She's deeply in love with me. Im like a first love for her...
8. She guides me along, putting her wing around me, grooming me slowly into a relationship just the way women knows how...
9. a perfect place is created to get close to her without freaking out that Im being forced to do something.
8. And so much more

The information from above was taken from my real world experience 5 months ago. As I wake up from the breakdowns strung in the middle of this disaster, I wonder; if the above attempted relation ship didn't work. what will. If I end up destroying a girl and relationship situation like above, what chance do I have for another girl/relationship. Is God going to create another perfect situation for me.. How many is he going to give?

My F#cking anger;;PTSD The deeper part of me comes out and wrecks everything.. Im like an enraged 3 year old. Its exhausting to think I will go through another situation like the one above and end up no where.

Im really concerned how I treat other people. Ive acted like Im the only one here on planet earth. Im not. The other person is depending on me as Im depending on them. Its so sadistically horrible to think Im destroying there future as well as mine. THey had hopes and dreams, I helped them create those dreams. I was 50% responsible for her falling in love with me!

Someone put there trust in me and I turned on them, tore them apart , then trampled them under my feet. They looked up to me, they thought I was something great. I showed them how wrong they were and that I was a freak to stay away from; someone unstable and miss-trustworthy to run from, to hide from. I was " one of those weirdo people" some one to keep your children away from when you go to the market. She may have thought these negative things, Now I have removed all doubt. Now she knows Im all these things.. The word is " fool". The bible has a word that describes this type of person... " FOOL"..... Someone dangerous for all to be around... One who chooses folly over wisdom to run a life.! Nice!

----
The torture, the dissociative disorder, the PTSD, the rage: I know all about it. I know what caused the problems. So I know the problem!, I need answers! I don't want this happening anymore. One answer is to become a healed human being again. That is a scary thing to me, but possible!

You always get this feeling! How can God top the last girl he brought me. How is it possible. Yet, it happens. I just need to make myself available at the right places. No more drug addict 12 step rooms.. Im done. I can take no more of a bunch of sociopaths... Its to much on my PTSD problems.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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