Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
Archives
- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Relationships and PTSD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jan 24, 2014 1:43 am

Im heading toward relationships... Im not sure what to think! Im slowly, very slowly letting go of the past... ITs giving way to the present... The idea is; what do I want to do in the future regardless of who or where Ive been in the past.

PTSD worlds need to be worked out; worked through that I come into the present!

Ive proven to myself and with Gods help that the past was a joke. Im lucky to be alive. Yet, it was a joke. The people in that past were complete jokes and nothing more!

I have the opportunity to understand that its in my head! The PTSD world is in my head, and I understand that no matter what screen I see, its false; it does not represent the here n now!

I need a strong life in the here n now if I am to survive... Ive been alone. I am alone!

Being alone is hard when making decisions.. Its easier then it used to be. I understand that the people I loved never loved me! I thought I had a relationship with these people; I had nothing! Its heartbreaking. Looks like I will survive this!

Now what;

Im in limbo land at the moment. I go to my apartment, I wash clothing, and I go to meetings. Its a strange existence. Im not freaked out! Im slowly getting better, healing, Im not sure why I have to go through this alone! Yet, Ive been alone all my life.

Im a decent person; does not seem to matter to others... My worth does not seem to matter to others...

Im a human being, and I need to find other humans to associate with....

-------------

I never made it in the work world.. I was so demoralized and treated with such a lack of worth, I gave up.. Im a creative person, or I was. yet, Ive been horribly ruined in this life! Possibly, its time to stop playing the victim!

Im still stuck in my room!

Ive got that anger resentment part of me that won't move..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have been a creative person at times in my life. I have no direction. I have intolerance and pain! I feel rage when I think of art direction. Art was ripped away from me when I was a child. It was done on purpose... Yet, I have to look at this last statement. If the people bringing me up were sociopaths; it was not personal. Sociopaths do nothing for personal reasons! they are not human! There for, I was never seen and thrown away! and this is very hard to deal with; this segment of my situation from the past!

I loved the past 2 much! I loved the house I lived in with all my heart. That is 2 much! I have to turn all of this over to God and understand that I need to love God at these times and not the worldly things. the worldly things I need to let go of.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 10961 times

Who is online

Registered users: Allcoulors, Amythyst, AProphet, asp3rg3r, Bing [Bot], EllaBlack, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, IainEtc, Majestic-12 [Bot], MSN [Bot], myce, nzvlnr, Sarandipity, ThorneInMySide, xdude