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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Relationships and PTSD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jan 24, 2014 1:43 am

Im heading toward relationships... Im not sure what to think! Im slowly, very slowly letting go of the past... ITs giving way to the present... The idea is; what do I want to do in the future regardless of who or where Ive been in the past.

PTSD worlds need to be worked out; worked through that I come into the present!

Ive proven to myself and with Gods help that the past was a joke. Im lucky to be alive. Yet, it was a joke. The people in that past were complete jokes and nothing more!

I have the opportunity to understand that its in my head! The PTSD world is in my head, and I understand that no matter what screen I see, its false; it does not represent the here n now!

I need a strong life in the here n now if I am to survive... Ive been alone. I am alone!

Being alone is hard when making decisions.. Its easier then it used to be. I understand that the people I loved never loved me! I thought I had a relationship with these people; I had nothing! Its heartbreaking. Looks like I will survive this!

Now what;

Im in limbo land at the moment. I go to my apartment, I wash clothing, and I go to meetings. Its a strange existence. Im not freaked out! Im slowly getting better, healing, Im not sure why I have to go through this alone! Yet, Ive been alone all my life.

Im a decent person; does not seem to matter to others... My worth does not seem to matter to others...

Im a human being, and I need to find other humans to associate with....

-------------

I never made it in the work world.. I was so demoralized and treated with such a lack of worth, I gave up.. Im a creative person, or I was. yet, Ive been horribly ruined in this life! Possibly, its time to stop playing the victim!

Im still stuck in my room!

Ive got that anger resentment part of me that won't move..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have been a creative person at times in my life. I have no direction. I have intolerance and pain! I feel rage when I think of art direction. Art was ripped away from me when I was a child. It was done on purpose... Yet, I have to look at this last statement. If the people bringing me up were sociopaths; it was not personal. Sociopaths do nothing for personal reasons! they are not human! There for, I was never seen and thrown away! and this is very hard to deal with; this segment of my situation from the past!

I loved the past 2 much! I loved the house I lived in with all my heart. That is 2 much! I have to turn all of this over to God and understand that I need to love God at these times and not the worldly things. the worldly things I need to let go of.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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