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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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Relationship

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jul 05, 2018 3:07 pm

The goal is not a soulmate; the first goal on the roaster is the knowledge and experience of having successful relationships; and then a soulmate! not a soulmate before its time!
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I deeply seek the knowledge of how to have a regular healthy relationship; I want to learn it; practice it and experience it several times until I am independently solid at it and feel structurally secure; and when I feel good about myself and confident and solid in experiencing relationships! When Im successful and matured at solid positive relationships and I know I I know a relationship and how to have one; I feel proud of myself because I can handle this and I can do quit well at this; once this inner machinery and complexity of relationship is understood and Im working the structural integrity of relationship and doing quit well; then and only then will I ask for the next manifestation of an Asian-Soulmate! I will never ask for a soulmate first; I do not want to be incomplete and have to rely on her as an incomplete person! I don't want to be incomplete! I don't need her for that! I can fix this now! I can fix this by the people around me! I have plenty of people to work on this; same principles I can face with regular people and learn to mature; I don't have to have a special person to show up for this; I have groups of all kinds to learn how to have a relationship and work a relationship and practice in relationships until I feel it; Im solid and can be successful at relationships! Then and only then; after practicing relationships; would I bring a soulmate into the picture! And Im happy about this!
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So; its scary and it hurts; I will feel; and I feel love feelings for myself; thats whats bringing happiness! And I feel first then give! And I feel love feelings and then give them away; that is relationships! Relationships mean Im forced to love myself'; because I have to give love away! I have to have love to give it away; therefore, Im feeling these deep love feelings for myself; it hurts; its scary! it hurts! I want to cry about it; over n over! when I feel this self love; its loathing and hurts; and all of this must mature before I have a soulmate! I don't want to put this on a soulmates shoulders; its not her stuff! Its my stuff; I solve it long before I call the universe to bring her to me!
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Im excited to learn all about how to have a relationship! Looking to get this part of like under my belt!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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