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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Real problems dealing with the past!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Dec 10, 2015 12:45 am

Real problems dealing with the past exist!

The pst is a deep field of blood! it unfortunate! The inability to go deep into it and heal from it brings to shallowness; no depth! I don't know myself or have a strong ability to stand up for my values! they were all crippled! and I had absolutely no one, ever standing up for me or what I believed in! I was crushed by bullies and everything else one can imagine! that life, my child life was destroyed!

I was gotten rid of!

The serial killer bags his victim after abduncting them! If they are young; puts them in a sleeping back or plastic bag to cover them up! then later, uses them for his will, when done! takes them, opens the side door of the van, throughs the bag out into a field and drives of! They got what they wanted, used what they wanted to used and dumped the body! Got rid of it!

And it was no different then for me! the whole experience was heart breaking and terrifying; the loss of my small precious life! and I did not now why it was happening to me! I thought I was safe! I had no idea what was really going on or whom I was really with! I found out!

The past is a horror story; much like something you would find on Youtube! its unfortunate!

Im alive and learning again, slowly how to interact again with society! its very very slow, and I cannot control the dissociations when I get to close to people! its horrible!

Im alive! and part of me; a good part of me is coming out again! However, I would like to face the deeper issues of abandonment! I would like to heal from the losses of the past! meaning; I know what the losses were, and I can see them, feel them, deal with them, heal from them! the loss of ones life; to have to completely abandon and thrown away! this is a brutal nightmare of heavy proportion! it ranks up with death and rape and torture!

This is the equivalent of being abducted; sold, and never coming home again! One night your in your house as a child; next your being sold down the river, never to come home again! your home is being sold! All of your possessions from childhood are being sold! Your being sold down the river!

One has to keep forgiving everything! enough evidence; overwhelming evidence indicates that the predators responsible for this were sociopaths and sadistic psychopaths! for this reason, you forgive everything! you see the resentment!, your see what they did, how you feel about it! you start the forgiveness process!

Forgiveness creates separation from you and the perpetrator! You want to forgive to the point, you've moved forward! You move forward and never remember them or what they did! you have forgiven then dept and moved on! you don't care; you don't remember them; you have a new life!

Problem; the problem is when the forgiveness needs to be so deep and long, it takes half your dam life to forgive anyone! but it must be done on all levels with all people involved, regardless of what they have done! I must be dislodged from the psychopath! this can only be done through forgiveness!

You want all things associated with these monsters; in the past! I don't ######6 care if they killed you, raped, you, burned, you, abandon you, sold you! stole all your inheritance money; get the ###$ out of their! never go back!

I ended up with a broken destroyed life! Im still alive! and in the recovery process! its hard! you have resentments! they are in human deep! does not matter!

"I forgive the psychopath and pray they have everything I could ever want in my life" you do this 20 times in a row! then do it again and again and again; 20 times in a row! you do this until their is no more interest in this psychopath, regardless of what they did to you or took from you! if you keep thinking about them, then you apply the forgiveness techniques!

It takes time! I have allot of un attached memories floating around as PTSD! it will take time before I can remember and process them! this is not easy!

It takes time; thats the problem! but it can be done! I have people I trusted growing up that should not have been trusted! thats the problem! Its all very hard to deal with; all of it! nothing is easy! none of this!

It must be done, and freedom lies at the other side of it! God directs all of this for me! I must trust God!

I saw this movie once; the good guy and his wife; they were told by God " when you leave the city, do not look back or you will be turned to stone"! Unfortunately, the guys wife looked back! she wanted her past back! her heart was still with the evil city, and she looked back; she turned to stone! The main character of the movie moved onward! he walked for miles until he was out of site of the city! and he made it! one cannot serve 2 masters! one cannot serve God and Satanboy!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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