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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1013)
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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PTSD thought crisis

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 06, 2017 6:32 pm

Im in the middle of crisis! Thought crisis. As I expand, the PTSD stays in the same backdrops! Ive changed and am moving forward in the real world! However, the PTSD remains the same! I am using visualization meditation techniques to center myself where Im at; look around; close my eyes and visualize I'm in the same room I'm in! Im slowly breaking through the PTSD that attempts to slip into my imagination and take over!
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Im getting massive resistance from PTSD because Im now seeing much of it all the time in my imagination where its slipping in! I used to feel its affects; not see it! And Im forcing it to slip out! I over power or dominate over the top of it with the visual of the room Im actually in; I create a picture of the room Im in; I create it in my mind and focus on that mind picture when the PTSD hits! after much practice, its working! Im switching from PTSD back to the room pic! This is helping me stay present and centered!
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As I get stronger with people and places and things in the real world, the PTSD has to go! I have to barrel through it!
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Goals
My goal is to have goals and go after them! Im no longer interested in why I want something and its missing! Im not interest in self doubt anymore; it has no place in my purpose!
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My gaol is to have believing dominating thoughts toward the women I want, the housing I want, the vehicles I want, the yard or ground I want , the money I want, the hobbies I want; success; I have a calling for the arts! and I would like to explore career options through schooling! If I had done well in school; if I do well in school, what subjects would I really like to be a part of; who was I suppose to be in my original programming! And many more things; vacations! other stuff!

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Im in crisis because Im between 2 worlds; the sick world and the success world; The dream world and the real world; fantasy world and the action world; Im stationed in the middle trying to break out!
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Ive made progress; Ive gotten my feet wet, Im in the water, but its hard going to go beyond a few feet! Im afraid of the outcome!
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People and specifically women; Im getting stronger when dealing with women, but its still therapeutic! I saw some women I know at the store. Im not conferrable joking with them, but I am; I joked with them and gave them hugs! in the old days, this was impossible for me to get close to anyone! If I did get close to you; i had to know you for 15 years! These girls at the store I hugged; Ive known them for about 6 months! So, the more I take action and get better, the better.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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