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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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PTSD rage:

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:16 pm

1 year ago I met a young women. I fell in love with her, she fell in love with me. Because of my strange and abusive behavior associated with PTSD/Dissociative problems she found someone else to date.

I had allot of investment with this girl. I thought she would be my best friend. However, that is not what happened.

I broke down for 45 days.. I could not respond to her. She gave up on me and found someone else. I was mad that she gave up... I never gave up on her, It just looked that way...

The rage levels are severe. I blame this girl for my rage. The feeling of being ripped of. Conned.. However, on paper she is did nothing wrong. THis was a courting process, we were not hooked up yet.

She freaked when she saw that I was a freak. I would have liked a more understanding person. However, considering her background, this would not happen.

After 4 months Im realizing she is not coming back ever. I will never see her again. This is a huge loss and I don't like the quickness and interest in speed that she found a new boyfriend... I feel like I was thrown away...

Logic dictates on paper that she did everything right. Are relationship required that I participate. I did not participate, therefore, I paid for this mistake and Im still paying. I had to respond to her within the 45 days; I could not...

Im going to assume this is a God thing, God wanted me out of there..

THis could have been a trial run for the real thing later.. I never meant to hurt this girl. I did hurt her. I saw it in here eyes, they told a deep vast story....

Im assuming all of this was practice, much like America will practice war in another countries city to prepare for a bigger war somewhere else.

I do not believe I will ever see this girl again or talk to her again. My relationship with her was over 4 months ago, never to surface again.. Very hardcore... Really hardcore. I thought I would marry her and take care of her kids;.. all very hardcore...

Its all OK, if I never see her again. It was like a star Trek episode. All intense, lasts no more then 90 minutes. Nothing surprises me considering where I met her.

I was screwed over by this person, she wanted to go out with another guy for superficial reasons.. She got rid of me...

I was very confused. Now I will know better! It could have been allot worse. I might have married her and all kinds of trouble starts.

The person she is with is not safe. Not safe for her or her kids... Yet, she will probably marry the guy... Its sicking to watch... She does not care that the guy is unsafe.. Its unbelievable.

She does not care if she marries me and Im the only one that really lovers...

Im lucky I guess. As brutal as Im being treated by this person, I suppose I wonder what it would be like if I had to live with her on a daily basis. I mean that in a negative way... I suppose its better this way... in the long run
---------

moving on! , Im scared to date, Im afraid Im going to deal with another sociopath like the the one just dealt with....

Time will heal. Ill keep moving on. Theres nothing in my immediate past to stay in...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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