Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
Archives
- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

PTSD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Oct 06, 2014 4:33 am

Hit this week hard!

The biggest problem is no real friends! well, possibly a few! Im just not popular material! girls like me, but Im not popular! no one really wants me around! I guess I have to go with the friends I have!

Im trying to find reasons to live! Im the same person I was before! Im trying to wake up! trying to get people to pay attention to me! they wont! Im laughed at or spit on! Im slowly getting stronger!

I hate what happened to me! my original life taken from me! and I was basically given away! Ive almost refused the false friends I had from the past; meaning, purging them from my memories!

I don't really have friends. well, a few! I don't know what to think! my life is not happier! its further along!

I need a better life or a different one! Im around the wrong people! Im codependent! and still around the wrong people!

Something strange happened to me today! I walked into a women that does not like me or see any value in me and I said her name and said hello! this is a big big mistake! This person is not my friend! I did fantasies about her! she is a beautiful asian girl! but Im of no interest! and I want to attack!

I feel attacked in an area I can't fight back, so I want to control her and attack her! ( I mean that emotionally) these are my feelings on it! I made her into a Goddess and Im paying for it! I started fantasizing about her; then ignored her to get attention! it did not work! I never got any attention! She is not the type! in fact, I don't know anything about her! I don't know what type she is!

Im acting delusional! She never remembered my name! I remembered hers! that tells me everything I need to know! she felt compelled to small talk with me! I did not want to! I wanted nothing to do with her! she saw no value in me! she sees me less then what I actually am! or does not see me at all and doesn't care! Im obsessed! kinda!

You see someone that has potential but the are out of your league! what does this mean! they are of a higher confidence bracket of social status! or, they have earned more and they have high standards. If you are looking for outer higher standards you will do well to go somewhere else! you will never understand me! or want to understand me! I will mean nothing to you!

I never had a place left to hide! I had no place to go! no safe house! nothing! no one cared about me; They still don't!

I will sell myself out to people; I will die first! and talk to God in heaven, he is all I had left! no one on planet earth cared! they still don't! not sure what to think!

I need to know the people that don't care about me! and stay away from them!


-----
This one girl that likes me; Ive waited and waited to have any clue on how to ask her out! I have no idea and Im never ready! Im to frightened!

Im having a hard time getting the wrong people out of my life!

possibly I have to learn to leave the wrong people alone! and trust God! Im not sure!

Im not connected with the right people!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 9400 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, AProphet, archaic, asp3rg3r, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], CarolBum, Carolencup, Carolenumn, Carolmaymn, Carolnak, Carolproth, Carolrar, Dwelt, EllaBlack, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Jasonkeern, Johnny-Jack, justonemoreperson, Majestic-12 [Bot], mansnils, Marlongon, MSN [Bot], Sarandipity, TeddyBear the helper, xdude