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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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PTSD and living

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon May 26, 2014 5:45 pm

It is possible to live your life with long term severe CPTSD.... Im doing it! Im struggling with it!

Relationships;

First, I have 20 years of hardcore recovery work dealing with this and other mental conditions. It started with PTSD, and clinical depression hit soon after. It worked it way into full Dissociative disorder and agoraphobia... AVPD is in this group! Drugs/ alcohol are always present and a problem with people like me; so is bulling! or being bullied. In a real sense, I was bullied to death, much like someone in a prison camp! High school didn't help!

Symptoms are down... I have worked a specific program for years with various changes and altercations... Finally getting ahold of a model of what I wanted to be when I grow up, I changed. Im now in the beginning process of relationships. boy meets girl stuff! its hard and very strange in the beginning!

Ive freaked out girls being controlling, obsessive, abusive and Im permissive submissive Im perverted/ codependent! All PTSD stuff... I need, please help me! be my psych nurse, my helper! I am a child, be my parent, be my brother and sister! my family! be everything so I can be what ever I want to be; if I have your permission. Do I have your permission! if I don't I will be thrown away! are you going to throw me away!

You wont hurt me will you. Im hiding so you want spit upon me and kill me. Why do you want to kill me. Its doesn't matter anymore, you don't want me! you want to see me dead! But your a sociopath so it doesn't really matter, Im on my own! Thank God I never had a sister, she would have been destroyed...

half my family turned into sociopaths... and the system was gone, destroyed as a boy! and I was torn into! and thrown away! never to be seen of again, never to be heard of again. I am only left with memories.

But they never got my soul! they never got the real me! but what good is it! even these parts of me are marred and scarred.

The horrible loss is how I ended up! I ended up as one of those kids.. those throw away lost kids. I went from a protected environment to a horror movie screen.

Im better know by no help of the community or people that did this to me! it was very much like a war where you are dislocated and everything you came from destroyed.

The people who did this to me were authentic sociopaths. So, that is the reason it was done... no other reason needs to be; they get of on destroyed children; I wish they would have been killed or in prisoned. They weren't and thats the way it goes..

Ive worked through Ptsd stuff for along time; Ive gotten the symptoms to go down and stopped being afraid of the PTSD brain as it operates next to the main brain. I have a ruptured PTSD brain and nervous system..

-------
relationships;
Make them laugh! that is an order! this requires study and interest in study of cocky and funny! make them laugh and slap you!

make them love you and want to hit you at the same time, back n fourth!
-------------------------------------------------

activities;

Im not sure; Im working on it! its about general mental health. You have to be OK with your conditions and yourself and your surroundings... that takes time. I have done creative work while completely dissociative. its possible! However, it does not last! The more healthy the better!

In general you keep working on symptoms... The idea is to become present again, get back my original memories of my house and vacations and life and family stuff that I want to remember; that God wants me to remember. get back memories of friends, people, places and things as a child, as a boy! Get them all back, not have them stolen! and come back to life with all my dreams !

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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