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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
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PTSD and kindness

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:12 pm

First, I am dyslexic.. I cant spell my last name. Grammar is none existent. Therefore, stop expecting anything... Thanks!

I have been brutally assigned feedback I asked for by independent sources from other sites... First letter of inquiry concerning my attitudes;

1. You omnicell hate women
2. You think everyone is a sociopath
3. You say you have a college degree, why cant you write! Do you know nothing more then typo's
4. You are very weird
5. It has been suggested to me not to date anyone as I might damage them psychologically.
6. Why don't you keep your writing to yourself, you are A narcissist.

Im learning! And I appreciate the feedback...

Today A young women was sitting across from me at a bible study. I began to think about the feedback I received on other sites. PTSD problems overshadow my view of reality. I see things with such torturous anger and fear. My perceptions are clouded by a nervous-system taken hostage.

This young women began to speak. I realized she had a speech problem, and I began to judge her for it. I stopped and asked myself why I was judging. I was judging because my maturity was that of a 15 year old. I know this would pass and it did. I began to take a higher standard of character; I stopped judging... I noticed many things about her I did not like. However, I began to stop judging. Many things about this person I liked; and that is all that counts. She could have been a hurt person, she could have been all alone. Her life was not my business. How I treated her and how I thought about her was my business. No reason not to think highly of her.

IT was pointed out to me that people that I judge might be so torn down emotionally that they look horrible.

When I see through the eyes of dissociative disorder and PTSD, Im a cruel narcissist, abusive and demonic. Strangely, the real me is none of the above. The real me is kind and caring and thoughtful and lowly of heart.

Im slowly coming out of dissociative disorder. Im very narcissistic! I used to be pathological, so Im doing better! Im gaining ground.

I began to realize how sick I am when dealing with people. The closer I get the sicker I become; my judgments are ruthless hate and fear. Im really messed up in the head!

I was able to slow the process of judgment down when interacting with this young women. Im hoping in the future my warped and strained condition heals up and allows me to make friends with no need for judgments..

I have problems: no doubt!

I have problems when dealing with women! ?

Dissociative problems dealing with women. I hate talking about it!, I feel like a predator or something.. Certainly pathological routines exist in this sphere.

Get to close and I dissociate out.

My mother is the problem; her rejection of me and complete contempt; And I did nothing to her! being tortured has something to do with this. I do not remember. I was tortured for long periods. My nervous system remembers. However, I cannot remember all of it. I have hardly any memories... I go blank. All dissociative. For 2/3rds of my life, no real memories.


Im a sick person attempting to get close to people while still sick; and this is the problem!

Im starting to get close to people anyway! Not that close. Its progress not protection perfection.

I have lots of work ahead of me. I am motivated to change by the losses of potential best friends I could have acquired over the years. And what losses they are...

Deeper into the dissociative electrical drain pool I go. What I will discover! I hope to find the answers that will give me peace. And I pray to treat people with respect while I search for answers.
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I have to trust God and stay away from everyone else. Its about me and God.. If they don't come back, they never were.....

I told or asked Go last month, if she didn't come back in a month, If by his permission I would move on. Its up to him, not me. He never sanctified that I talk with her or associate with her in the first place. I have to remember that. However, she loved me so deeply. It gives me the creeps to think I gave that up and that Gods not part of it. However, that is up to him not me.

And all of this was a long time Ago. The chances are it is long gone and always will be. If person can not see my worth, even if they want me. What is the point.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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