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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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PTSD and kindness

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Mar 04, 2013 1:12 pm

First, I am dyslexic.. I cant spell my last name. Grammar is none existent. Therefore, stop expecting anything... Thanks!

I have been brutally assigned feedback I asked for by independent sources from other sites... First letter of inquiry concerning my attitudes;

1. You omnicell hate women
2. You think everyone is a sociopath
3. You say you have a college degree, why cant you write! Do you know nothing more then typo's
4. You are very weird
5. It has been suggested to me not to date anyone as I might damage them psychologically.
6. Why don't you keep your writing to yourself, you are A narcissist.

Im learning! And I appreciate the feedback...

Today A young women was sitting across from me at a bible study. I began to think about the feedback I received on other sites. PTSD problems overshadow my view of reality. I see things with such torturous anger and fear. My perceptions are clouded by a nervous-system taken hostage.

This young women began to speak. I realized she had a speech problem, and I began to judge her for it. I stopped and asked myself why I was judging. I was judging because my maturity was that of a 15 year old. I know this would pass and it did. I began to take a higher standard of character; I stopped judging... I noticed many things about her I did not like. However, I began to stop judging. Many things about this person I liked; and that is all that counts. She could have been a hurt person, she could have been all alone. Her life was not my business. How I treated her and how I thought about her was my business. No reason not to think highly of her.

IT was pointed out to me that people that I judge might be so torn down emotionally that they look horrible.

When I see through the eyes of dissociative disorder and PTSD, Im a cruel narcissist, abusive and demonic. Strangely, the real me is none of the above. The real me is kind and caring and thoughtful and lowly of heart.

Im slowly coming out of dissociative disorder. Im very narcissistic! I used to be pathological, so Im doing better! Im gaining ground.

I began to realize how sick I am when dealing with people. The closer I get the sicker I become; my judgments are ruthless hate and fear. Im really messed up in the head!

I was able to slow the process of judgment down when interacting with this young women. Im hoping in the future my warped and strained condition heals up and allows me to make friends with no need for judgments..

I have problems: no doubt!

I have problems when dealing with women! ?

Dissociative problems dealing with women. I hate talking about it!, I feel like a predator or something.. Certainly pathological routines exist in this sphere.

Get to close and I dissociate out.

My mother is the problem; her rejection of me and complete contempt; And I did nothing to her! being tortured has something to do with this. I do not remember. I was tortured for long periods. My nervous system remembers. However, I cannot remember all of it. I have hardly any memories... I go blank. All dissociative. For 2/3rds of my life, no real memories.


Im a sick person attempting to get close to people while still sick; and this is the problem!

Im starting to get close to people anyway! Not that close. Its progress not protection perfection.

I have lots of work ahead of me. I am motivated to change by the losses of potential best friends I could have acquired over the years. And what losses they are...

Deeper into the dissociative electrical drain pool I go. What I will discover! I hope to find the answers that will give me peace. And I pray to treat people with respect while I search for answers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have to trust God and stay away from everyone else. Its about me and God.. If they don't come back, they never were.....

I told or asked Go last month, if she didn't come back in a month, If by his permission I would move on. Its up to him, not me. He never sanctified that I talk with her or associate with her in the first place. I have to remember that. However, she loved me so deeply. It gives me the creeps to think I gave that up and that Gods not part of it. However, that is up to him not me.

And all of this was a long time Ago. The chances are it is long gone and always will be. If person can not see my worth, even if they want me. What is the point.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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