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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
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I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
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A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
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moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
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The Gap
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Teenage years
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finding and painting rocks
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Expressing my feelings
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I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
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Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
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The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
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A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
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Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
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Trapped between 2 worlds
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Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
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Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
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Plans from the universe; they have cometh
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breaking things and coming together
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What am I thinking about
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That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
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And another day
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Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
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Women and John Denver
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Bulling
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art images coming back and other things; taking action
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I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
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Processing out your family system

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:10 pm

Unfortunately, the innocent child who saw so much damage, has to say goodbye to all of it!

The idea in a family system is; " Mom, you're hurting me" " Dad, you're hurting me"! And Mom and Dad are supposed to grab you and hug and say they are sorry and take care of you! Mine did not! When I was abandon or miss lead, There was no one to tell; " Mom you're hurting me"! " Dad, you're hurting me"! They did not respond back! They continued down their line of resistance; and doing this to kids!

What was I as a child to do! These were the people I was to go to if I was in trouble! They were the trouble! Where do I go! Ultimately, they must go! The whole of the family system must go! I must separate myself from this system! Thats a hell of a thing to tell a 7 year old or 8 year old! And thats an insane thing to put a child through! Its criminal and demoralization of children!

Ultimately, the child must find out the truth about the family system!

My issues;

I was brainwashed and groomed to believe the family was OK! All I had to do was work harder at getting their attention! But the system appeared solid on the outside with its relatives family systems associated with it; sister, aunt uncles, grand parents and histories!

However, with more research, I found I was no part of any of these other family systems! I was alone! Although the psychopaths attempted to visit these people; these other relative family systems! All were lies! The only person being fooled was me; I was a small child!

When I realized I was dealing with psychopaths! There is only one answer, run!

Any relative family systems associated with this family system is none of my business and is not associated with me; nor do I have any part of these family systems!

I must say goodbye to the family system! In order for this; they must get out of my nervous system and out of my head! They must be processed out!

"I have love affection and positive feelings for my family system! This is from God for a real family system! This is the child's view of the family system! A possessive positive! This is how a 4 or 5 year old sees their family! And they see it in sunshine and light! And that is part of me! And that fantasy bond still has a magnetite hold over me! And this is big problems! I must let go of this addiction to fantasy bond denial pleasure! " And here lies the problem area!

Pride is all I had! its all I had left; I was someone or something in the family system! thats I had! I had nothing else! ###$! thats all children ever have! what else do they have! what other human quality matches this! they have pride in themselves from their family! " Look at me, Im part of a family, this is my mother, my father, my brothers" " these are my aunts and uncles and sisters and brothers and grand parents"! I had none of this! it was all false! and I was thrown away! and could have no pride! yet pride was all I had and all I had left! now I had nothing, and belonged to nothing!

I continue to live in a dilution! I know of the dilution, but it's not helping me just because I know it exists!

I must get honest and work through it! But Im afraid! If I lose it; the fantasy bond! I will be thrown to the cold streets and die! I will die an empty man! And an empty death! So, my ego and pride play a part in things!



I must get the child to grow up a bit; just a bit, to see the family system flaws! I want the child within me to come to me, and not the psychopathic family system that has caused all the problems!

Its truly horrible when the system you come from is a let down! All your dreams die; and you feel like your " one of them"! One of those throw away people! The kind you heard about in school! One of those lower class people who lives in n out of hotels! Who's parents are drug addicts or rapist's!

I was fooled into believing I came from a normal family system with integrity! I did not! Technically their was no family system! These were a group of psychopaths that led on and hurt children!

The hardest part is coming out of denial and seeing this family system for what it truly was! That it was all bad including all members! This means brothers and extended family systems!

Usually, a child can wake up! And get out of their as a teenager! I did not have those options! I was to ###$ up in the head! I continued to want to believe I came from an upper middle class family system!

All that I came from was a women who bought a few houses! I lived in one of them and a few others she had no choice!

My schooling was destroyed and no one cared about it! I did not know this until it was 2 late!

Im trying to work through this stuff!

What scares me is being thrown out into the word once more with no advantage! This is all 2 much! And yet, thats what happened! And I did not know any of this was going to happen!

I have no processed anything out! Meaning, all of my thoughts as a young and older child, they are stuck within me! And I have no family system to process them out and grow! I need to grow; grow out of the crimes done against me within this family system!

The family system is alive and well within my head! They are kept alive! The candle still burns because of the false memories of the way I thought things were when growing up!

I must get rid of my positive attitude toward a past that did not deserve it!

Ultimately, when you see the truth, you end up a loser on the street! Thats all that happened! All dreams were forsaken and destroyed!

I never came from a situation that allowed dreams! I was groomed into poverty! I was the only one that did not know it!

I started out on a false street, a false front! Im trying to see this, and work through it! See it for what it was!

I was in a house of hate and strife against children! This was created by sociopaths!

Unstable; this is not the word for it! Sinister and murder! Thats what I would call this! Blood thirsty evil! Thats what I would call this!

My goal is to work through my childhood and no longer need it! In order to do this! The present must match what I was looking for within this life!

I must forgive all people of their offenses against me! Or I should say; I forgive all psychopaths their offenses against me!

Most of the offenses against me were done by rich corrupts opportunists or sociopaths! Or street bums! Or criminals! None were nice people! Not one of them!

I was not around nice people! I thought I had found a well spring of gold! I found a well spring of blood poison!

I did not know how to take care of myself or live on my own! I was in a dream world and could not live in reality! It was 2 much for me to be on my own; I had to be taken care of! I still do!

Im trying to come out of the trauma and live more independently! Its very very hard! Im working on it daily!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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