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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Problems with women; long haul

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jul 04, 2018 3:53 am

I have problems with women; Im in it for the long haul to look for the cure!
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I was looking at pics of women I know; friends on facebook! These were pics of women that found me attractive at one point; I scared them away within a few weeks!
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Why am I scaring women away instead of bringing them near! so; I saw a pic with a female friend of mine with another women; an acquaintance that I know; they were both coming from the beach! They were young; beautiful and smiling! I looked at them! any man in their right mind would marry them on the spot! but not me! No; I would get mad and leave or hide because I was not loved when I was young! and I don't want those girls to hurt me or use me like the other people did!

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Fare enough; I was destroyed when young; the same as a holocaust; the same thing; destroyed; in human! Now; I don't want anything to do with anyone unless they are safe and can prove it! Pretty girls on beaches don't mean nothing to me; How can I ever act normal again like they are! The strange thing is; they are not normal; they are like me! and yet I treat them like their outsiders!
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My nervous system does not trust them! and I don't know what to do! But I do! I would have to give way; get rid of the defenses that protect me! and I want to; but it requires that I go through the electric fences of horror and PTSD! and I don't want to do that!
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My God its all screwed up! Ive had numerous young women in love with me or who would let me have them for the night; and these are damaged women; women that supposedly I ask God for so I could relate! and yet; nothing! my nervous system wont budge! and all of this; Im guessing! Im not sure! I mean.
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Ive been wrong about women many many times; almost all the time! I thought they liked me because they were getting attention from me but didn't want to go out with me! some did! and this is the area of rejection that scares me!
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Im the kind of guy; that when a rumor starts about me; everyone believes the rumor and never the truth about me! This isn't the kind of people I want to associate with!
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when it comes to women; their not taking me for what Im worth! and I don't know what to do about it! get out a big gallon of sherbet I guess! I don't know! In the end; most of these women write me off and move on to other men or they were ready to go out with someone else anyway! they were leading me on for attention or; I was in a dream world believing they wanted me! and never really knew if I was in a dream or it was the real thing! and coming out of this is the hardest part! its horrible deflation! ITs not based on all fantasy! the girls acted like they wanted attention! it was direct at times and interact at times! later, when they got it together; they wrote me off as some retard to forget about; or some freak! and its been this way from the beginning! Im never around the right women; I guess!
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I hate people that do not appreciate me or my worth and I hate more having to get attention from them because Im so lonely all the time! its a horrible disfigurement to be lonely all the time and be intelligent at the same time; what a sick waist this society creates for its people! Im trying to change it; Im tired of being around the wrong people! I don't have the money for the right ones; economic status! Im not recognized by anyone!
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I just want to be happy! I cant understand why this is so hard to get a girlfriend! What is it that I have to be in order to get a girlfriend! I haven't found anyone worth fighting for as an adult! I did once when I was a teenager! but nothing now! I see a women; What do I see in her! nothing but arrogance! I dont want it! that is not what I want! I will not go near it! I have to see something of value in the person for me to fight for her; to want her!
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This is crazy! Im ever waiting on the universe to bring her to me! let us recognize each other! Im still waiting; still working on it! its crazy!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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