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OMNICELL
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Practicing in an Evil world

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:32 pm

At my worst. It was not possible but to be dead/ I was dead walking around. I was a CPTSD coffin with no connection to the outside world walking around. I was an agoraphobic repressed highly clinically depressed Psychotic walking coffin.

Several years of intense therapy on the right subject has allowed me to get better. However, Like a tank I drive strait into the battle field, I get slaughtered, go home, learn from the blinding trauma experience and try to head out the next day if I can to learn more. I learn from the ground up. From the ground to the lowest simplest innocent me their is no one attacking. They all attack at lofty levels. So the ground is a safer place to look up at everything and make an inventory of whats going on. My body and mind are upright, and appear to be in the air. Secretly part of me is hiding on the ground looking up to gather new info about this world.

This is practicing. Im going out into the world to gather new information about the world, I take it back beyond my walls and analyze it and try to make sense out of the world I am in.. Once this is done I assess whether the world is a safe place or not to start giving out bits and pieces of myself...

The rest of the world doesn't know. I love to call people dumb in my head. Their all dumb. So dumb its beyond my human experience up to this point in this life to be around them. At-least this level of dumb.

Its all to much..

I have no idea

-------------------------------------
I was telling a friend of mine, The only way to survive down here is with God. And God help those to young to understand any of this yet that are destroyed because of Evil. It was no fault of their own. They never had a chance. So many of them destroyed... So many...

-----------------

An evil world wants to keep up pretenses in order to look like , act like, be worshiped, like Gods. People will die for this, Kill for this, Rape and murder and abandon for this. Its like a race to see who can destroy the most good in order to get their fathers praise from below. He is the father of lies, and it is him they worship. It is him they give their whole selves to. They love the hell their father lives in. They love the hell they bring up from the earths twisted volcanic natures. However, I have more respect for the natural conclusions of biological, Anthropological,and geological law, then the unnatural law. The state of Satan-hood and those who are willing to die for him and his whole way of life...

Evil is nothing to play with. Those who want to destroy my soul want me in hell with them. They will kill,maim, and destroy to do his biding, just to get praise from their evil father.

A lot of mental illness comes from the prolonged and agonizing torturous exposers of decent people to this kind of Human-inhuman creature. This creature is in my family, my next door neighbor, the grocery-man down the street. The bus driver, the priest the judge, the school teacher. Its all of the above , when one loves darkness more then light all hell will be produced on earth... Their will be no " good will towards man". Not until evil is stopped...

-----------------------

I am judged most of the time in one way or another. Im never asked questions by anyone it seems. Not that I know a lot of people. I don't. Im one of those people that gets respect from people at first, then it starts to go a way. My mind is full of PTSD and I don't tolerate people or their evil. When someone can see this in me. See that I don't tolerate evil, They try controlling, stopping or burring me in one form or another.

Its to hard on Peoples Egos to know me. I have to try to seek realness or I die. I have to have God with me all the time or I die. ITs that simple.
 

Evil:
Ive been reading an old Scott Peck book.. ITs primary issue is Evil. I Believe Ive read it before many Years ago.

I would agree with what Ive read so far. Evil is the best description of what ails me. A world full of evil, Im full of evil. Well, Not really. Im not full of evil, Im full of the effects of evil that have been absorbed into my mind. I had no defense. I was overwhelmed at a time in my life that I could not fight back. I was over exposed to evil in every direction and thus destroyed by it. My mind left as the perimeters of my body and soul were over ran. A protective wall was created between me and myself that the outside world could not get into to the deep me. As more of the evil in the world attempted to get in, more elaborate walls were created until their was no place left to hide but death.. It was through those years that I was put on SSI...

I am now awake enough to question what is going on in front of me. I feel a bit safer to come from behind the walls. All of us. Alters and me... To have some sober safety. Some. Not all. Just enough to question things.

ITs all very hard and confusing. I feel like I was in a science fiction movie and everyone died that I know. I ended up all alone. What do I do now.

Almost all people that I remember including family members are gone. Their minds are gone. The evil has over come them in one form or another. Many are pathological. No family values. Their like zombies from a zombie Xbox video game. Nothing human is left.

I see two things in this world. The adult child. The evil adult image protector. The adult child is that child of adult age that must survive. they have given way to the evil that they may find a way to cope with it all. Therefore, they revert to small children and people pleasing. They please the Evil Adult image protector that they may survive it.

The Evil adult image protector is that person that lies about everyone, everything. Loves nothing. all to protect their false image. Or protect a created Self icon that was never honestly or naturally constructed. It was a manipulation to fool others to fool self, created to please their master "Evil".

All is Evil, and for Evil. That is the way of things...

Why is it. I don't know. I am good. Im a good person. Im a beat-up hallucination person. Im a good person. Im a good person in a predominantly evil world. Im me in an Evil world. Im in an Evil world. Im consumed by an evil world. I have to get out of an evil world. I find no place to hide. I can barley survive in it as I am an alien to its form... I am oblong to its shape.
I have rules that love and protect love and those that are loved. The evil does not create except that which its masters brained. The brain of evil is to configure ways to destroy the good. The goods purpose is to create everything that is in heaven and looks like Heaven . To represent heaven on earth.


Evil:
Ones purpose is to destroy what is a good creation. That is the fun part. " did I say that" I guess I am EVIEL..... HA HA.......

I don't know..

I am not evil. Yet I am the destroyer that wants to destroy evil.. Actually I don't. I find that Im to smart for that. Im not interested in making excuses to be around people. the evil. I want to come out of the evil, get away from people. Get away from it. Let it swim by me and be on its way...

I want to be behind 4 walls from evil and the evil You.... I want to hide.

--------------------------

Im attempting to let Go and let God and get out of here. " Here" meaning places of un-safety in my personal existence. The boxes with corruption hanging like chandeliers.

Sacrifice for the sake of sanity and safety. ITs a heavy price to drop everything. Sometimes it hurts. ITs a great loss.. ITs OK....
Last edited by OMNICELL on Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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