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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Poverty

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Sep 30, 2015 5:13 pm

Its time; Time to write about poverty!

You need privilege to get out of poverty!

Middle class kids are given poverty! they are given a taste of it protected heaven! they are given a chance by those who love them! Then they work toward their own middle classism! I did not! I was thrown into real poverty; based on negativity and neglect! before I knew what was happening, I was destroyed through neglect and pain and hatred! and self devaluation and hate! No one cared! no one knew me!

Im attempting to come back to reality at the base and feel it and heal it! and see what its like! But I never seem to go beyond this! what the next stop of response! I dont respond! I stay quit in poverty and cant move! The ability to respond and move; cant!

Im an over achiever at retaliation!

Im an over achiever at nothing!

Im an over achiever at being insulated into brain death!

Im an over achiever at bypassing and avoiding life!

I wanted to die and bi pass this whole experience! So, being alive is an upper position then what I came from!

I am scared! Poverty keeps me in my place!

Moving forward; I feel no power within my soul! I feel like I cant fight back! Im not worth anything! I will get nocked over! I have no value to anyone or anything in society!



Middle class kids are given the opportunity to build and develop; they move out of poverty because they are brought up year after year to connect and get a life!

I was not brought up! I was thrown away! Im trying to wake up! And get in touch with family values that would allowed me to move forward!

When I was young, I thought I would naturally have them! I did not! I opened myself up to monsters and did not know it! I was ripped apart and destroyed and thrown out! And that was that!

I never had anything to show me anything or help me! I was being thrown away and never knew it!

In fact, the people that tried to destroy me thought I would turn into them and be in line with their sociopathic ways! It didn't happen! So, they throw me out!

I don't know what I am! Theirs allot of pain associated with a life of middle classism! Its very lonely! Im starting over alone!

I have values; they are watered down and destroyed, but they are their! Much like an old star ship in the middle of the galaxy that is asleep for a thousand years! Im going back to this ship, clean it up, wake it up and get it running again!

This is not easy! I must let go and let God!

I have allot of poverty level values instilled in me from years of nothingness and giving up! I went into things that would give me instant pleasure! Addictions and other things! And an attitude of indolence and hatred! Deep hatred!

OK; I have deep hatred; hatred from the past; but what is it getting me! Ive done enough work, that I can see the difference between the past and the present! But it's not enough! Not yet! Its enough to cause my heart to brake once again!

I don't need more pain of loss! I need a life!

I worth more then poverty! Im not used to talking like this!

Im in a poverty based situation; not a middle class situation!

Things have to change within and my poverty insanity changed; thats where it starts!

It starts by admitting things! And starting again like everyone else! And nothing pisses me off more then this! I thought I had more going on then this!

I think everything owes me everything and should give me everything and I should not have to work for anything because of the pain Ive been through! This is a deep deep horror and anger!

My life has been really ###$ up!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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