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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Positive thinking in relationships!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jun 25, 2016 8:48 pm

I have no positive thinking in relationships! Its all zero'd out! All negative! Im aware of this; and Im questioning this! Im questioning what this means and what type of change needs to occur for something better to happen!

I see relationships as all negative or doomed! Its all going to end up like the Titanic; it is the Titanic!

I see women as shallow! And this shallowness will doom all relationships!

I am not attracted to shallow people or shallow women! I don't like them; they don't like me!

I seem to believe that I will always end up in a relationship with a shallow person, no matter what I try!

Ive believed that Im doomed no matter what!

I have no choice!

I believed that I had no reason to live or go on in a society like this!

I believed I could not be part of anything in the real world! I had nothing and no place to hide!

Ive been around 2 faced people, all of my life! Nothing was real! I was not valued, and I was betrayed over n over n over n over n over!

I do not want to be betrayed every time Im in a relationship!

What am I looking for! Who am I do attract! When I say this; I don't feel very confident!


What exactly am I looking for! Im scared too death that sociopaths will get into the mix and play act everything and ruin everything! I will be led on and turned on! I'm very scared of this!

What am I looking for!

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Women; so, don't go out with cute free psychopaths! It aint free! Believe me! And Ive watched others! Ive seen the kind of guys that go out with them! Their just like me! Mart re's! Their victims! And when they don't get loved by the girl; they come back and hover around her because they are broken!
Ive seen the girls; they have no conscious! But its hard to understand! And if the girl is good looking, its that much harder on the guy! He cant say no; its like getting cake and eat it to! But it never works out! Nothing is free, neither are his fantasies! Let God create the fantasy results; let him bring the girl to me! And stay out of the rest! If God did not ordain it; stay out of it! Don't get involved!

Im learning the hard way!

I have to keep learning! If God did not send it; close my eyes and stay away from it!

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As I wake up; I realize! Im not from here! Unfortunately, their was no family when I was young! It was all a charade! So, Im in this small town with only memories! No one is around anymore! No one! Im alone; but Im not! Im starting to remember who I am and starting to come to!

Im starting to have the right to my memories back!

I do not feel like Im part of this town! I came back to this place! But Im not from here! I was from another place! But I could not survive their ; nor did I know how to survive their!

On advantage I have as I get better; I'm free! Free to continue the spiritual work that is setting me free! The success based work that is setting me free!

Don't expect others to help! They will manipulate and take advantage!

Others will not want to see me get better! Not to the point of making it out! But it will happen anyway!! At some point, I will come back to myself!

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Seeing relationships in a positive way! That is the goal! Can it be done! I guess so! I would have to come back to health!

The rooms I speak my recovery! They are o so tired when I say " hi Im Omnicell"! They know again and again, what I'm going to talk about! The same thing I talk about here! Relationships!

Many people don't want you to get better! One must keep at it!

The idea of positive thinking in relationships; the ability to think positive about a relationship!

When dealing with a women; I have to like the women! Not think she is a trophy! Ive had women that I liked because of the way they looked! I tried to make their personalities match mine so I could get that " look good" pat on the back! So I could be someone! If I had this hot girl, I would be somebody! Wouldn't it be great if it worked!

Women can be deceptive! Even this is a negative statement! I don't need these statements anymore!

Some women don't need men as much as the man needs the women!

If I'm not a victim; I could go after any number of women! But as a victim; Im not able to go after any women! What am Im learning from this!

What am I learning!

I have to see the positive in people! But that hurts so much! And I don't know why! Its like saying! I have to love myself more and Ill be accepted! Something like this!

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Im someone that gets stuck in the rooms Im in! Meaning! The relationships Im interested in are from the rooms I visit; the recovery rooms!

These recovery rooms are not the best places to pick people up!

Why not try some new places! And see what happens! This scares me and Im not sure if Im ready for this!


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One more thing; concerning my childhood!

All, not just a few; but all people turned on me and the people in the neighborhood! even those who were suppose to be close friends! and they never were! they thought they were better from the start!

None of them were my friends! its my responsibility to work with God to come back to normal and fax e what this means! what it means! I was destroyed through psychopaths! these scum moved into a neighborhood of in accurate preparations! meaning, they were economically in the wrong place! They were not upper middle class or of any class! I was brought into a neighborhood I could never keep up with! I did not know this! the crime is bringing a child into an area like this and allowing them to believe they are apart of such things; when they were not! I was not brought up like the rich people in my neighborhood! I was not brought up at all! I never dreamed things would turn out like this! I thought I would be upper middle class!@ However, the children and parents of these children knew very quickly that I was not one of them! I did not know they thought this! I never saw myself this way! they knew this long before I did!

Even my best friend turned on me! he turned on me because he and his family knew something was wrong with me from the start! I was hanging around him all the time at his house and never at my house! I thought it was normal! it was not normal! and I was judged from the beginning!

So, I was never one of them! and now as I get better, I have the choice to be me again; and Im not a psychopath! and Im not dead or on drugs or destroyed liked I used to be! Im slowly allowing myself to come back to a state of relationships and activities!

Many people don't really want to help! they are not serious like I am! and it shows

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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