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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Porn Vs Women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 26, 2015 10:53 pm

I got a big problem;

As I slowly get better; the old habit of hiding in porn stays with me!

It's a place to hide!

I would rather have a women; but looking at it! I don't know if I would pic the right women; I would pick an abusive insensitive feminist as a girlfriend that would castrate my manhood!

Something is wrong!

I jacked of 6 times today! All with pics! Not a problem if Im 13! But I never did it this much at 14 or 15!

The big issue is; where are the women! Im working on it! I don't like being mentally or spiritually sick like this!

Men use porn to hide! To relieve tension! To hide! Im hiding from past stuff! Im trying o find a safe place! Thats what porn does, it makes you dissociate from reality!

Why cant I do this with women instead!

I sat hear exhausted after jacking off for the 6th time today! And I thought; man, this is empty; emotionally speaking! Why don't I have a women with me!

The problem is; I have not done any work on this! Ive don't work on women! But not on porn!

I turned to porn when I lost my first love and the home life was the same as before! I was in a new location, but with the same sociopaths! And I realized nothing had changed! I just wanted my life back! But was not going to get it back!

All that time; going back to the same people from the beginning! Those who hurt me from the beginning! Going back to those people from the beginning! Back to my earliest memories! Going back to those people! And they were and are never people! None of them! None!

And the whole time; Im being waisted and my time is being waisted and my life is being waisted! And they wont budge a bit! Why? They are psychopaths! And couldn't care less either way!

I needed to be unglued from these people and never return! And that simply is and was to much for me! I was such a decent person! This was all to much for me! Way to much! Way over my head!

Porn got stuck in the middle of it as another place to hide!

Personally, I don't give a ###$ about porn! Its just a place to go to when I dissociate! Thats what its for!

I would rather have a real body next to me!

I turned to porn; I through away my potential girlfriend and never explained anything! She proved herself! But I got mad! I realized we could never be together! Nothing had changed! I was living in another house from the sociopaths! They cared nothing for me! Or families that they created!

If something didn't work out for them; they simply left and never came back!

I have much to work through, and no one to work it through! I mean, no original family!

I plan to get a life! Im slowly learning about all of this and trying to work through it!

My schooling was ruined for the rest of my life! As many things were!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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