ITs hard; all this manifesting and trusting in the universe; it takes time to manifest things; I dont have time and I dont like it; I want it now; right now, because Ive been waiting for a long long long long time for things!
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Physical touch is where its going! The ability to see myself touching a women; its blocked and I get a horrible squarely feeling when I attempt to see myself doing this! I see the abusers from the past standing right behind me; they are holding me like a puppet controlled by strings! Im now attempting to deal with the PTSD problems and move forward and beyond them; I call this resistance and man; theirs over the head amount of fear based terror based horror based resistance from every overwhelming angle for me to get close to someone! Im being controlled!
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The goal is to get into relationships with women! Get used to it again where Im at in life; financially! However, Im not settling or less then what Im worth! I have to work with the universe and have the right persons brought to me; and this scares me a bit! I dont want the wrong ones!
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This is all hard! all of it! Ive never had sex with anyone I liked or had a girlfriend that is worth reporting about! Ive never had the girl next door I thought I would meet! I was in abusive situations and their was nothing I could do about it.
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Im now looking for the girl next door; the women next door or in the next city! And their is something fascinating about this; for Im not focusing on the past or anything else; Im suggesting what Im looking for! Im looking for something in the present and future and that is quit interesting! its an act of independence!
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Lots of soulmates out here! more then one; thousands of them! The problem is being attacked for my financial liabilities; I hate being judged by others for anything! I dont know what to do bout it!
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I have to work with the universe to get through all of this somehow! The type of women I want has to understand; she must understand she must understand, understand, understand, understand understand, understand understand!