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OMNICELL
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phase 1 complete! or part 1 complete!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu May 19, 2016 3:17 pm

Ive complete part 1 of my recovery phase!

Its still lonely; the loneliness is not gone!

Part 1 includes several areas of importance !

A. God is above; on my knees I pray for help! God first!

A.1 the letting go and complete erasing of the original family system I came from; including the community; from my thinking! It was a giant mistake! And I will trust God, and erase every inch of it! I was exploited and don't care to remember any of it; or the scum involved in it! Tragic!

B. The return of self; self image! Keeping self; self! Not lowering my standards of who I am!

C. Interaction with others; no more people pleasing! Simply being myself serious self! Telling the truth; not lying about who I am!

D. Dating women; this is and was a huge deal! I have no money! And Im a very real person! No games here; nothing! Very confusing! ITs all been confusing! Its real simple now; You can ask a 1000 women out! And get nothing from the experience because all you will be is good at asking them out! They cant fix the inside of you! Second problem; they are not my soul-mates! When I think of women to be with; I want to see a women and say " I want her" ; meaning, I have to want her; it's not just about her looks ! When Im in a room full of women, and I don't want any of them because of their pretentious attitudes; its time to leave! A women will be inline with me or get out! No compromise! A women's looks are a waist of time! Her attitude is everything! If she has no conscious, you're waisting your time! Asking them out is nothing! You can have 10000 women; and you can also have 10000 babies; and you will pay the courts every last penny in child support or alimony! So; its something to think about! I guess women arnt as free as they appear! As you think; they have an agenda; watch your self stud, they were watching you long before you met them!

E. The understanding of ; " I believe in myself"! meaning, I have the will to help the creation process of a new me!


Im the type of person that is only interested in my soulmate! I simply cannot stand arrogant people! If women does not look up to me; I ignore her and never come around her ever again! The only reason a women would have no status for me is stupidity! And that is one thing I cant fix!

The past; this is a bigger challenge; Ive done enough work to know the whole thing is a lie! All of it; including all names and faces and experiences! I was used! Its as simple as that! So it all must go! I was unable to fulfill my life during the past part of my life! It was destroyed! The goal is to get rid of the negative nest of thoughts that come up! Block them and many other techniques to get rid of them!

Forgiveness and the working of the 12 steps to get a God and get rid of resentments@!

I noticed one big element of my past; I was with God from the beginning! And all the others who caused me problems were not; yet, they claimed to be! They never were! This is extremely important; for they abused the hell out of me! But guaranteed a place in hell for themselves! Its unbelievable how anyone can abuse someone else; turn them into a second class citizen and look in the merrier and act like nothing is wrong! It's a scary deal!

Mental illness; Dissociative disorder is down to a point that Im interacting with others! Shaking hands; saying hello! I understand what happened in the past; the key is to keep your self image! Your real great self image!


I have a support group; it's not perfect! Im never alone; the doors are always open in the 12 step system process!

Im through with the meetings as a need for recovery! Meaning, I go for support of a different nature at this point! I don't want to be alone! And thats OK!

At some point; I must be retrained for the outside world! To live in it!

The people at the meetings; they are clics; not your friends! They have their own private friends!

You will be let down and disappointed at the people at the meetings! but the doors are always open and the coffee is good!

The meetings are important! They are the life blood that gives you human support! They can be molded in your head as a family system! And that is what I did! It's not perfect! It does the job; with God running things from heaven! They are the corner stone of recovery! One must have a family system to recover; there is no such thing as " doing it alone"! For I am a human, a biological social animal! And for now, that means a group of people that I can join and be apart of for support! No superman nonsense please!

So, to paraphrase a bit;

1. I need group to support me! If I'm going to recover!
2. 12 steps of a 12 step group system; why? Resentments are the number one killer of everything! They keep you locked in the past and burning through hatred! And no one can look out into the world and be looking into the backfields at the same time!
3. Forgiveness! " I forgive __________ and pray they have everything I could ever want in my life"! This is said 20 times in a row! And after a while; its said all the time about everyone! This frees me from others!
4. Honest in the present; no more people pleasing! Just myself! As is! No extras thrown in to impress others! Strait truth about self; as long as its safe to do so! Meaning, physically, spiritually! Psychologically!
5. The future; you cant get healed and keep living under a bridge naked; Goals! I use many teachers from the Laws of attraction; the movie; the secret! and many others of the same nature!
6. meds and psych work and support! of course!
=======================================================================================

Phase 2;

I am now starting this process! or melding into it!

1. real friends; Im praying for helpers that will help God's direction in my life!
2. soulmate; visualize everything about her; Let her cook in my imagination and form! write my future with her; as if its already happened; 10 times a day!
3. Talents; and the self actualization of such things! practice room! write my future out as if its already happening!
4. Goals! Keep these rolling; trucks, houses, people!
5. talents; the ability to know them and how to use them in the real world; now!

Many techniques for creating the practice of faith in the manifestation of goals! Faith is what is being constructed and practiced! the goal is having no doubts! Pick or create a goal within the imagination and let it grow! and begin to allow it to grow with no doubts! Thus the need will arise to eliminate; to get rid of limiting beliefs and negative thinking that disrupts the path from thought to constructed reality; something real I can play with; a thing, a person, money!



========================================================================================

Phase 3;

Happyness
Marriage to soulmate!
proof of creation of new realty!

At this point, I understand how to be focused and present with my wife while I create my world! I know how to love everything I see and focus on! and I focus on everything in front of me; one thing at a time! and I love that thing Im focusing on and why!

Positive thinking and God are an all day long venture!

In the future; I always pray with my wife or for my wife; all the time!

My wife is my soulmate; I adore her! just by adoring her, I cant see myself with anyone else or need or want anyone else! she has my full attention; I adore her completely! she is adorable! enough to drive me crazy!

==================================================================================

Restoration; So the first goal was to be restored to sanity and the promises of 12 step recovery! and this is happening for me!


Note; dealing with women; so, Im a little more open, but no! I must find newer people! I still need a psych nurse and or therapist to date!

Im finding that the path of least resistance is not with the sicko women in the meetings! This mornings meeting; I think they think they are high maintenance and want to use a mans money! so, I should back down or away from them! I mean! their not coming to my corner; so!

The idea I have; meet others of less resistance to openness!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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