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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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- October 2019
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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passive

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Aug 11, 2018 6:35 pm

I had to become passive to survive when young in every area! every home I stayed in; I had to become passive to deal with the outrage of what was going on around me! I become a giant passive aggressive being! I had no choice! I had to; or no survival; like being controlled in a prison camp!
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Now; when I want to date women; I cant! I cant imagine that Im going back into any kind of family system where Im around family type people of any kind!
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I can imagine where I have to make a deal with someone by forcibly! I don't mean violence; I mean; by consensual rules! I cant seem to walk up to a women and ask her out! I certainly cant do if she is good looking; Im like; whats the point; its going to turn out in a disaster sooner or later. IF Im with a women that does not understand me; its a completely waist my time! If she wants to understand me; she will have a conscious to do so! She will ask the right questions the right way!
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Ive not been able to ask women out; I dont want to get used by them!
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I have a rule; a women that does not care about her children or neglects them; Im finished with!
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Ive got to get to a better group of people if I want to ask out women! Im so very confused and sick of dealing with the women in my groups! Their looks have nothing to do with anything; they have no decrement of right or wrong! They never question what is going on in someones life that makes them what they are! they dont ask questions! Their more predetorial!
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Im very confused! if it was the right girl; Id ask her out! Ive gotten to the point of asking women out; but it was 2 late; within days of asking them out; they were going out with someone else! I was extremely affronted by this! I cant see asking the same women out after they've dated yet another guy for a few years; had another 2 kids with that guy and cant or wont take care of the other kids from the previous marriage! and; why did the guy in the first marriage dump her!
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God might be calling me to love this women; that happens! I have to keep working with source energy! I dont know!
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Im having real problems manifesting the right women to date! Im easily manifesting all the wrong ones; their great looking; hot; look like models or the kinds of women other guys use as trophies for status of their low self esteem because of the womens desirable looks with every group she visits! However, her looks are not enough for me! I wont get involved!
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The time period I was destroyed when a child was done on purpose! it was right before I develop as a human being! I was still a child! it was meant to destroy my childhood development period!
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Im not sure~
I have a hard time dating anyone; Im never sure if Im good enough or they are good enough! Im scared I will be shot down or they will shot me down later!
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I know that in some cases; Ive asked for numbers but never followed through on anyone! nothing!
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one women; I followed through; but she had already allowed herself to be taken by another guy! and supposedly, that was my fault because I didnt hit on her earlier! I thought; "my God"; its my fault your dating this guy instead of me; is that what Im being led to believe"; something never sat right with me concerning this!
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I think its time to work with God and find a better set of people to date! or want to date! I dont know! honestly; I dont know!
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In some cases; I feel God is leading me to love a specific women regardless of her background! I dont know what to think about this! This is complete insanity!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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