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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
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moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
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The Gap
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Teenage years
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finding and painting rocks
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Expressing my feelings
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I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
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Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
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The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
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A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
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Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
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Trapped between 2 worlds
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Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
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Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
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Plans from the universe; they have cometh
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breaking things and coming together
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What am I thinking about
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That breaking point
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Needing my mothers permission
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And another day
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Im so right in the middle of the promises
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whats missing with music; live playing
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Women and John Denver
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Bulling
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art images coming back and other things; taking action
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I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Passive aggression, resentments and blaming and no life

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Apr 02, 2018 1:01 pm

Im attempting to work with source energy of the universe to be freed of these shackles that bind me on earth; the fear of standing up for myself; I have little confidence in myself around others! I learned never to trust anyone for any reason and I turn into a prison camp like victim around any people! I dont trust any of them! I have limiting beliefs concerning everything Im dealing with!
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I end up in front of others in a state of panic and shock, as if Im being taken advantage of!
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I dont fight back or say anything; I'm like a 4 year old who says nothing while Im being taken advantage of!
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The bullies in the world see this weakness! They re manipulates and will hit on me; meaning, try to take advantage of a this weakness; and it works! So, Im stuck, like a 12 year old in the middle of a fist fight I dont want to be in! I just want to go home and draw or make art; I dont want thugs surrounding me and trying to make me look like a fool to everyone else because I want fight! I dont want to be surrounded by my enemies !
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This whole thing is overwhelming for me and I want to hide in my room under the bed and never come out!
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I deal with allot of creepy people! Blaming them is not the problem! the problem is standing up for myself! that is the problem; its scares me! Im like a frightened child who is easily taken advantage of! I get " hit on". People see my weaknesses; and Im attack at those levels of weakness! I shun it off! they use indirect aggression against me to get control! I dont fight back, I let it run off my back! They want someone answering to them! I dont want to; their not my boss@!
I know what their doing! they act like Im to weak to fight back! its that simple!
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I dont like people around me I dont want around me! I dont want certain people ever talking to me; their not safe; they still get away with it! Its overwhelming for me!
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I have to work with source energy on this; not expect things to be fixed all at once!
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Clerks! These people Im talking about are like clerks who want to use their position as authority! So, it takes my mind back to when abused!
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One issue is direction! Im not solid yet in any direction for my life; Im slowly working on that direction! I have to work with God on what I want!
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I want to win against them; just once, so I can move forward! Im more scared of leaving the abusers in my life; I wont get any attention! and Im scared to death to be thrown away and alone; and this is a huge huge problem! big big big! Im used to giving in and playing passive so I wont be thrown away or given away!
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The more I write on this; the more I can see that freedom is a state of mind!
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I have much to work on; one piece at a time; not all at once!
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I must work with getting my focus on source energy of the universe and trusting the universe can change things for me!
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I have much to face; Im very scared and a mouse when it comes to people; a scary rat! I want a place to escape them! I dont want personal relationships Im not interested in; I dont want them forced down my throat by sociopaths acting like nice people!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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