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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- July 2019
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Passive aggression, resentments and blaming and no life

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Apr 02, 2018 1:01 pm

Im attempting to work with source energy of the universe to be freed of these shackles that bind me on earth; the fear of standing up for myself; I have little confidence in myself around others! I learned never to trust anyone for any reason and I turn into a prison camp like victim around any people! I dont trust any of them! I have limiting beliefs concerning everything Im dealing with!
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I end up in front of others in a state of panic and shock, as if Im being taken advantage of!
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I dont fight back or say anything; I'm like a 4 year old who says nothing while Im being taken advantage of!
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The bullies in the world see this weakness! They re manipulates and will hit on me; meaning, try to take advantage of a this weakness; and it works! So, Im stuck, like a 12 year old in the middle of a fist fight I dont want to be in! I just want to go home and draw or make art; I dont want thugs surrounding me and trying to make me look like a fool to everyone else because I want fight! I dont want to be surrounded by my enemies !
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This whole thing is overwhelming for me and I want to hide in my room under the bed and never come out!
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I deal with allot of creepy people! Blaming them is not the problem! the problem is standing up for myself! that is the problem; its scares me! Im like a frightened child who is easily taken advantage of! I get " hit on". People see my weaknesses; and Im attack at those levels of weakness! I shun it off! they use indirect aggression against me to get control! I dont fight back, I let it run off my back! They want someone answering to them! I dont want to; their not my boss@!
I know what their doing! they act like Im to weak to fight back! its that simple!
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I dont like people around me I dont want around me! I dont want certain people ever talking to me; their not safe; they still get away with it! Its overwhelming for me!
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I have to work with source energy on this; not expect things to be fixed all at once!
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Clerks! These people Im talking about are like clerks who want to use their position as authority! So, it takes my mind back to when abused!
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One issue is direction! Im not solid yet in any direction for my life; Im slowly working on that direction! I have to work with God on what I want!
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I want to win against them; just once, so I can move forward! Im more scared of leaving the abusers in my life; I wont get any attention! and Im scared to death to be thrown away and alone; and this is a huge huge problem! big big big! Im used to giving in and playing passive so I wont be thrown away or given away!
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The more I write on this; the more I can see that freedom is a state of mind!
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I have much to work on; one piece at a time; not all at once!
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I must work with getting my focus on source energy of the universe and trusting the universe can change things for me!
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I have much to face; Im very scared and a mouse when it comes to people; a scary rat! I want a place to escape them! I dont want personal relationships Im not interested in; I dont want them forced down my throat by sociopaths acting like nice people!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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