| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/opportunistic_b-8972_sid-9ae62182097d02eff782087a2d0deb6e.html |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:01 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Opportunistic |
I have mental illness and Ive had dreams! Ive had dreams like anyone else; " when I grow up I want to be ?"! Ive had those dreams like anyone else! However, its different for me! The people I grew up with tried everything they could to destroy me and destroy my dreams or destroy my interest and belief in having dreams! They were bullied out of me! My mind was hurt by psychopaths! Thats what they do! They hurt people! I still have mental illness; nothing has changed! Ive tried to change my appearance to look more presentable! I suppose its gave a certain impression! It looks like there is nothing wrong with me on the outside! When people realize Im not going anywhere in life! They leave! They realize something is wrong but cant see it! I don't change! Thats what they see! They see the spiritual change but not the financial or relationship changing! Meaning, Im not dating a thousand girls! Women; I guess it's heartbreaking for me; I could have a thousand girls! But then they would all leave! What would you do! Would you like to bring one new girl in every second, just to have her leave in the next day or 2! Would you like a person to leave your life every other day?! Does that sound fun! I don't think so! ---------------------------------- I give off the impression of someone Im not! I don't mean to! But people never get close enough to me to know me! Im this distant person! I live like a mentally ill person! My apartment is never clean or organized; it's a rotting mess at times! I have a payee! I cant organize or function! My teeth are falling apart and I have no money to fix them! This really sucks! Im just starting to let people get close, but it hurts because it triggers the past! --------------------------------- The friends I had from the past including a best friend and my first love; they all left me quickly when I started having problems! Occurring to them; and they did not have to say it; I was a bad investment! They; with contempt and superiority left and never came back; I guess they were looking for something or someone better then a mentally ill person! I cannot help that I have mental illness! Many people do not see the mental illness! My condition keeps me in a dream work that I cannot wake up! ----------------------------------------------- I am an art person! And I think the best thing to do is just do art! Not worry about anything else! Just create! I don't like being called a lier by people! I like status, but do not have any! I don't want to die at the present moment! I get suicidle at times from my condition but do not want to die! There has been vast improvement over the years in my outlook on life! But I still have the mental illness! Technically I can hardly leave my apartment! I guess it's not the middle classes fault that Im the way I am; they are opportunists! I do not seem to have the opportunity to be an opportunist! Not yet! Im different and cannot stand on my own 2 feet the way others can! I would need much more help! But others don't see this! And it might be hard to get help! You never know until you try! But that aggravates my symptoms! ITs hard being myself! learning again to be honest with people about my situation! its very hard! I deal with indifference! and I deal with prejudice and judgment! You start out the day thinking your going to be treated nice, but it never happens the way you thought it would! I step outside my door into the real world and people dis me! they are rude and disrespectful! and I lay down and play the victim and I dont know what else to do! |
|
| All times are UTC | |
Powered by phpBB © 2002, 2006 phpBB Group www.phpbb.com |
|