Im at this point of creating a new life; still lonely but not; I mean ive got friends like brothers and some sisters and its growing.
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Its still lonely; I mean; even brothers and sisters dont to know me well; but they've got my back. And Im learning or want to explore what this means; they've got my back... or I have their back.
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As for women and relationships; Im learning everyday. I have to come back into alignment with God and teach God I can be trusted.. This means I turn to God and do what God says...
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The last women I asked out is so significant to my future Ill be talking about it for some time. Altho the women is nice; its not really about her.... Whats important about her; she is the first women I asked out out side the 12 step meetings... She is the first example of all the work ive been heading toward; the reward of freedom I was looking for...
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She represented " a nice middle class person".
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How can I attract " a middle class person"; this type of person unless I am this type of person; this means; the monsters of the past; their influence on me is not destroying me like it was... They destroyed me; later, destroy myself over n over n over in their place; and thats what ive been doing and could not stop it; trauma bonding....
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Im now showing signs of creating my own independent relationships outside of the monsters of the past; in their faces and outside the 12 step groups where I felt co dependent after a long while; and thats normal to feel. It was time to trust God and move on from the meetings into the outside world and I was not sure how that was going to happen; lots and lots of steps had to be created before this could happen. And those steps were creating in my imagination; one step at a time as they appeared and when they appeared I took action. Steps appeared in my mind from my higher power universe; the universe put these new steps into my head as a bigger plan; I could not see the whole of it only the first step as it appeared; but after awhile I begin to see the pathways the universe was creating; and it was fascinating because I would have never come up with it; how could I; Im blind...
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The next level of steps... The goal is to continue to do the work of manifestation of my dreams; its to continue to work on the guided meditations for soulmate and for vehicle and for career things. Keep at it... do not give in or give up or stop... In books of success; it is suggested that a specific individual gave up 3 free from discovering gold in the mountains of a gold mine claim he had staked a year before. He came so close but then gave up and went home. Someone else came in and discovered the goal within a day in the same place and made millions... The point of the story is; dont give up; start a new. The goal is to take a breather then set up camp on top of the mountain and begin again brand new... And that is what Im going to do. Movements have been made in all areas.
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Women and being nice. I have to write stories of being positive around women; being nice to them and not being defensive with everyone I meet; being charming. Im now learning that its normal to be with someone. My anti social survival mode told me it as abnormal to be with someone; that I could get destroyed.
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I have to trust God to let go of the women I should not be associating with; but not be mean. No revenge because some women I like dated someone else and not me... I have to be nice as if Ive never met them before. Sometimes nice means never associating with them ever again; ignoring them completely as if Ive never met them; acting like and talking like they are a complete stranger of no interest... Im not positive or negative around them; Im just myself; Im not trying to get their attention or impress them; I completely ignore them and turn to God for my needs and keep it that way from then on.
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Move on and learned and pray to be helpful to people; that is the key to changing my personality.
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I do not like unsafe people; so; pray and tell the universe to only send me safe people and Im only around safe people and thats it.
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Gaol;
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Now its time to manifest new women showing up in my life... Its time to create new stories of positive outcomes with women until I start to see positive outcomes with women in the outside world. And their it is; thats the next goal.
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Vehicle; Im working with others; learning about vehicles that I get a car.... This will be the first ever vehicle ive bought with my own money ive saved.
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career; keep praying concerning art and creating...