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On being a Dissociative

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Dec 31, 2012 11:19 pm

Most do not understand the basic premise, even when I write on blogs on different sites that receive comments...

A Dissociative person spends much of there reality in side the mind.. One takes small simple pieces of reality; bends them, molds them, expands them... Always looking for safety, the Dissociative ponders all directions of this information to find common ground within its axis.. The key is to find the truth without going outside; outside the mind. The idea is to figure everything out first to be safe.

One area of confusion; to much mind time!

One small segment of time, a three minute segment, cannot answer a full degree of truth. Unfortunately the dissociative is blind to this. I can create a whole world, or a play or a complete life from beginning to end from one small pebble of mind sand. The sad reality is this is an example of dilution. The Dissociative may create 51 % dilution with 49% half truths; half authentic realities mixed with half distorted coloration of Alters spiting out confusing unreality rhymes: distance subjective truths colored.

The Dissociative tries to figure out everything. Everything! So confusing thus it gets; I know longer know what was created in the head or brought in from the outside world. Or How much outside world info was torn down and interpreted... Soon all information is a jumbled schizophrenic bath... And with PTSD involved, the nervous system begins to feel the jumbled pain from these thoughts as if real. Soon I believe what ever scenery I can create. Then, Ive decided the probability is close enough that what Im thinking is true in reality. When you've been tortured in this world over and over and over, you must calculated at all times when and how the tortures are going to attack you next. You must out smart them. you must beat them at there own game. Therefor, the Dissociative relies upon survival skills to survive; putting faith in those survival skills to win and outsmart. These skills come out as hyper alert state. How well do these skills work when attempting to judge the interactions of others on an everyday basis or relationship interest basis. In my opinion!, My skills to survive would work well in a death camp. In reality they cause a severe form of isolation disillusionment: Im delusional. the fundamental information I use for the base of my arguments are visual picture memories created by my imagination. Ive taken in a small amount of information from the outside world and attempted to recreate that information in graphic pics. Slide shows. Slide shows sped up to moving pictures in the mind. Soon as my nervous system gets in the act and attaches itself to these moving pictures, I began to rehearse this play over and over and over in my head, until I believe everything I see. I believe with confidence that I have the real representation and duplication of the outside world. I begin to build on this duplication by collecting evidence that would support my view point; more bits of info that I will piece together for a greater whole, a greater picture. When I am done. I have a picture of the outside world that I feel substantiates my evidence. Unfortunately at that point I want to act upon this new argument, this new evidence.

Acting upon incorrect information:

Its usually tunnel vision!. I only see a narrow hallway, I never see the whole house, as Im desperate to get my point or view across.. I never look at the base of my foundation. Is it sound and structured in the truth. My neediness imbalances that foundation. I find myself bending on how I feel about the situation, bending towards my feelings and not the truth. Soon this procedure will collapse and my heart and mind with it.

The real world:

The real world holds the other key to reality; the reality picture of my argument. However, I have replaced this key of knowledge with my Dissociative Disorder, and thus the beginning of the end is near. Info spit from a Dissociative disorder vs pure truth reality. Its over for me.

In most cases( because of the above conditions) when I have presented my evidence to the world concerning my beliefs about my argument, I am wrong.


1. People like me in specific meetings, they hold me in high esteem: Wrong!
2. The girl in the meetings that Ive been fantasizing about likes me: Wrong!
3. Im in safe environments to share my info: people are understanding and friendly towards me. Wrong!
4. People want to respond to me, I have a good idea of the people Im surrounding myself with and there attitudes and aptitudes. Wrong!
5. Manipulative people wont manipulate me, we are comrades , People are thinking about my well being: Wrong!
6. I hold status with people; esteem. Wrong….

Dissociative Disorder clouds my ability to reason correctly or see the truth correctly.


I work out stuff on paper because I can figure things out and express and learn from the expressions that I see and feel. This is safer and faster then learning it in the real world. I have had much healing from a combination of writing, real world experiences, 12 step meetings, and therapy.

The goal is to teach the PTSD Dissociative brain that it is safe and OK to express in the real world. I wont get hurt. I will be OK.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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