Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1753)
Archives
- March 2024
Starting to show First Signs of breaking away from individuals o
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 5:55 am
Seeing green when its Red...
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:49 am
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

occupations and getting close to women!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue May 01, 2018 9:39 pm

Ive been able to manifest women into my life; into the surrounding! However, Im only getting as far as the fence in front of her yard; Im never getting into the kitchen; if you know what I mean! The kitchen represents a more intimate association! It means what it literally means! Im not developing a friendship or safety with a women, enough to be invited to her place to hang out; her front yard, or living room or kitchen for coffee! Im never getting that far! Im getting as far as; someone saying hi from a distance; and thats it! However thats a big deal considering where I came from!
.
So, Ive been practicing with women; starting conversations!; getting closer; yet, I want to get closer still; a deeper closer intimate level! it scares me! brings me back to my childhood to a place of lies and horror; all things will be destroyed!
.
The problem; the child in me lives in his childhood! part of him; another part knows better! He has jettisoned the past; as the past was a lie, and this child was shown evidence of this and changed his mind concerning this and is now more present with me; This child is focusing on what Im focusing on in the present!
.
The child in me still live's in the past! and in the past are memories of what could have been or was suppose to be according to my imagination!
.
When I get really close to a women; romantic feelings or closeness; the child is not present for such things; he goes back into his childhood for closeness and is not available! and I am trying to work with this child to come fourth to be part of relationships in the present; However, the child in me does not trust me! The chid in me wants the ground safe and solid before he enters another persons life! I have to prove to this child, this can be pulled of! That I can create a safe situation of reality; not just imagination in my head; letting us both down! I can like myself enough not to sabotage my future!
.
So, Im working with source energy to imagine and manifest a life suitable for this child to show up!
The child has to learn to trust me; then he will come fourth! I have to learn to trust me; for this; I must have plans sent from source energy for this successful endeavor! I must trust me for me to come fourth!
.
.
.
.
Occupations and sabotage!
I sabotage everything I start within minutes! My primary goal is relief of PTSD! I use physical outlet! The problem is; I dont draw or write songs or use my mind for this relief. My intellectual side is neglected.
.
The goal is to be present and able to feel good enough about myself in the present to stick to something and work through it! and Im getting closer; Im so very codependent and obsessive; it all fits as the perfect alibi for not working!
.
I have every conceivable alibi for not working; I have no alibis for working! And their it is! The goal is to heal up enough, feel good enough about myself and swell inside to the point of wanting to work and be apart of things; and Im getting their!
.
The problem is; Im not in that world! Im not in the confident world of work or achievements; Im headed their! Once Im in that world; I will believe! I will work through things.
.
Im beginning to change! I can feel the dissociative walls come down or better yet, slowly fading, bits at a time; and Im not listening to PTSD anymore; I know its a lie; Im not in those time periods anymore! However, the child in me still believes the PTSD.
.
So, with occupations concerns confidence in the present; the more I can stand on my feet from other means and other problems being worked; a sense of independence floods over into he world of occupational meanings! Im finding that when I feel good about myself and up to speed with myself; I get interested in feeling proud about what I do; and I start doing occupations; not vocations; not yet; just occupations; things that occupy my time!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 8684 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot]