Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
Archives
- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

occupation

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri May 06, 2016 12:18 am

I have not thought about this word in a very long time! Since a teenager! And very rarely! As a teenager, I was ruined because I had been thrown away young, and had no idea what was happening! In shock; I was bullied all the time and in terror break down and confusion! Their was no way to do any homework or concentrate on anything! My life was ruined! I did not know what was happening to me or what to do about it! Psychopaths don't stop the show and explain that you're being ruined on purpose!

I had no one that cared about my occupation or anything else! I was being ruined again when living with the psychopath and new husband! I simply didn't know! No one cared what happened to me or my talents or abilities! Nothing! I cannot describe it! Its horrible! I was ruined and dying!

I had no friends! No one was interested in me! No women! And the women I was interested; soon, they wanted nothing to do with me! They changed their minds! Like I was some kind of animal or something! Like I was less then human! I had no money! I was a decent person! It meant nothing to the girls in high school; I meant nothing to them! They saw nothing in me!

Later, in college, and everywhere else; the same thing! I was looked at as nothing! I had to hold everything in!

Today marks another day of importance! I got it back! The beginnings of occupation; the thought! The feel or more importantly; it landed in my lap! The confidence or interest! This means areas of blackholeness; are filled in! Not complete! But it's a start! You first start in your head! Then it reflects into the real world!

I don't know yet what occupation means! It's a state of independence! Its what people do when they are ready to move on with the rest of their lives from the past!

Women; I don't know! I do believe it has to do with who Im associating with! Something is horribly wrong! I cant stand most of the women I meet! They are simply to deceptive! Or stuck up or waiting for a guy that can complete their high maintenance schedule! I have none of these! Im a respectable decent person! And I want nothing to do with the women Ive met so far! Something is horrible wrong!

Im assuming the problem is; Im not around the right people to appreciate me! I will keep praying!

I cannot be around people that put me down or use me! I will not be around people that use me and treat me like I don't matter! Im not interested! The problem is; Im not interested! I have no interest in such people! I honestly think I will need a new culture of people! I simply don't get it!

If a women can drive a car, she can use her head and think! I have to think; I must be around someone else that thinks! Im not interested in relationships for the sake of making them work! I want something magical between me and the women I choose! And she must be submissive! If I sense any of this ridiculous masculinity none sense that I read about; High level business women that take control accidentally because they are leaders and all that; not on my block; never! I don't want that none sense around me! Women like that; the type that want to take over; let them date women! Im a man! Men don't like that kind of thing; they will simply through the women out to the street! Men do not like masculine women; it's ######6 sickening! And it's a lie! It puts people off!

I have nothing against leaders! But they are unattractive in female form; the kinds Im talking about! I have nothing against leaders! I have something again this masculine non sense!

Im not sure what type of people I want to associate with! The type of women!
===============================================

I know the type of wife I'm envisioning; Ive told it to some; they laugh and tell me to keep dreaming! And I will! Ill keep dreaming until she appears!

Again; I must pray for the right type of people! Right now, Im around recovery people! And it's a 2 edge sward! It's working! It's getting me this far!

--------------------------------------------------------------

Today was a day I told this women to ###$ off! It was a good thing! She tried to tell my friend something about me n her from our past! This women claims she knows me from the past; grade school and that we are friends! I told she is not my friend because she says so; Im your friend when I say so; I decide who my friends are; not you! I decide if we are friends, not you! If you want to know if we are friends, you can ask me; Ill tell you the truth!

And I walked off! Arrogant bitch! Nonsense by these people!

Im not the only one who has problems with this women! and the other women I have problems with; many have problems with their arrogance and the groups they group with!

The problem is getting on my feet around the right people! Ive been in recovery for 20 years, and my mind is starting to come back!

Im trying to remember who I am and create a new life for myself!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 2330 times

Who is online

Registered users: Amythyst, archaic, Baidu [Spider], BearJaw, Bing [Bot], EllaBlack, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, MSN [Bot], RogerDeasK, Sarandipity, Tyler, Zoicite23