Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (946)
Archives
- July 2019
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Obsession

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:34 pm

Have you ever been obsessed! I am; a bit!

Ive learned how to attract women, so in general ive not needed to be obsessed over someone! However, it happens!

I have a small to medium interest in the wrong person! I say the wrong person because its impossible to ask her out; she is to intimidating by her body language! And I would be devastated if she said no! So, I guess I like her! But Im not sure how! Whats the right word Im looking for; CRUSH! Thats to strong!

Interest; curiosity! Lust! Lust! Its lust! Im trying to make it into love, and Im not sure why! Or, do I see the possibility of love and it scares me I feel like a stalker! I think she has someone else; another man!

Just being caught thinking about it has a problem! Things don't add up!

She's never gone out of her way to see me or talk to me or anything! Ive ran into her! She might know from my actions that I like her! I can see from her actions toward me; she has no interest! Thats the way it looks! Im getting brushed of!

Possibly, Im mad about this and want revenge! I want her to notice me that much more, so I wont take no for an answer! But isn't that stalker stuff! My my my! Ive come so far in my recovery!

Im not a stalker! And have no reason to be one!

I think I will keep working through this stuff until she is out of my mind and heart!

Something is simple fantasy about this whole thing!

I don't want to ask her out! I know the answer! Maybe Im scared that it might be possible the answer is yes! What would if mean if it were yes!

Am I not good enough for someone to say yes to to me!

Am I not good enough to find out! I have allot of fear and bulling associated with her! From my past!

Lots of negative stuff coming up around this person! Lots of stuff from my past! And all of this past stuff is in the way of the present!

Possibly, at the time I was destroyed at age 10, I had my whole life ruined and pulled out from under me! Possibly, she reminds me of this time period!

I feel like Im not seeing this for what it is! This is a stuck up bitch; and Im walking into a trap! Possibly the child in me sees this and is warning me!

When I see this girl, Ive been smart about it! Ive done just enough of nothing to not start any problems!

There is not enough their to warrant a move on this girl! Something is missing! And what is missing? She is missing; ive filled it in with fantasy!

I believe I decided the first time I met her; I decided she should like me or worship me like the other girls! She did not! So, she's going to ######6 pay for it! Thats the kind of rage!

She stood up to me! So I respect her! Thats how it feels deep down inside! It feels like she is or should be my properly! But she is not! I let her go play!

IT feels like owner ship! Like I have her on a constant leash! So, this does not sound like someone I like! This sounds like lust! Either way; most of this type of thing is fixed when you ask someone out!

She is pretty, and she knows it! Should this stop me! Yes,! Because she knows it! She knows she's pretty and commands attention for it! She eats it up! This does not mean she likes me!

I never got the impression she likes me! Maybe just a curious look now n then! Don't know! I don't think so! I think she sees me as inferior! Less then! And this happens when you're dealing with middle class background people! They think they are better!

She does not know my back ground and couldn't care less!

She is on my mind! My stalker mind, not my right mind! And that does not count! Thats my problem!


Sometimes theres a fear of someone because you think your better then them! your impression of them is scumbag and loathing and you don't want them to know! and when they get to close to you, you get scared because you have nothing but contempt for them!~ and I believe this is what this girl has for me; and Im mad that Ive been victimized like this by this person without a fair trial! I hate going through this!

So, I will work on expressing my feelings, and looking back at the first time I thought about her and saw her! And attempt to wonder why I had to have her as my trophy girl! Ive had other girls like me because she blew my doors of! I think its all external! Im attracted to something about her lust wise!

The attraction part is where the problems is! Something is not honorable about the attraction part! Not right! Wrong! Fear based! Fear based attraction! Im trying to scare her! And I like it! She's my victim and I like it; I ######6 love it!

Time to move on! Something not right!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My mother was sadistic; so, Ive found a victim the way she found a victim in me! Im taking it out on this girl who I don't even know!

But IVe not taken anything out on a real person! Ive stayed away from her!

Love hate obsession? !

I guess if I really wanted her; or even liked her! Id go up to her and say hi when I see her! That freaks me out to much; I know she thinks Im a creep! To much fear on her part!

The problem is; fine! Say goodbye to my little obsession! And say goodbye! And it's so hard! But I have to work on it! I feel like stalkers and bullies are blocking me from it! Im being blocked from letting her go, like Ive got people from my past controlling me and they wont allow me to let go of her because she is unhealthy for me!

PTSD! Thats the problems!

Im not aware of why she is the one picked! I will keep working on this! I must keep writing and wake up; obviously, none of this is about her! For this girl does not know me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 2022 times

Who is online

Registered users: Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, DaturaInnoxia, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, IainEtc, jaus tail, justonemoreperson, OMNICELL, SelfSerf, VioletFlux, WesleyJique, xdude