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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1033
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Obsession

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:34 pm

Have you ever been obsessed! I am; a bit!

Ive learned how to attract women, so in general ive not needed to be obsessed over someone! However, it happens!

I have a small to medium interest in the wrong person! I say the wrong person because its impossible to ask her out; she is to intimidating by her body language! And I would be devastated if she said no! So, I guess I like her! But Im not sure how! Whats the right word Im looking for; CRUSH! Thats to strong!

Interest; curiosity! Lust! Lust! Its lust! Im trying to make it into love, and Im not sure why! Or, do I see the possibility of love and it scares me I feel like a stalker! I think she has someone else; another man!

Just being caught thinking about it has a problem! Things don't add up!

She's never gone out of her way to see me or talk to me or anything! Ive ran into her! She might know from my actions that I like her! I can see from her actions toward me; she has no interest! Thats the way it looks! Im getting brushed of!

Possibly, Im mad about this and want revenge! I want her to notice me that much more, so I wont take no for an answer! But isn't that stalker stuff! My my my! Ive come so far in my recovery!

Im not a stalker! And have no reason to be one!

I think I will keep working through this stuff until she is out of my mind and heart!

Something is simple fantasy about this whole thing!

I don't want to ask her out! I know the answer! Maybe Im scared that it might be possible the answer is yes! What would if mean if it were yes!

Am I not good enough for someone to say yes to to me!

Am I not good enough to find out! I have allot of fear and bulling associated with her! From my past!

Lots of negative stuff coming up around this person! Lots of stuff from my past! And all of this past stuff is in the way of the present!

Possibly, at the time I was destroyed at age 10, I had my whole life ruined and pulled out from under me! Possibly, she reminds me of this time period!

I feel like Im not seeing this for what it is! This is a stuck up bitch; and Im walking into a trap! Possibly the child in me sees this and is warning me!

When I see this girl, Ive been smart about it! Ive done just enough of nothing to not start any problems!

There is not enough their to warrant a move on this girl! Something is missing! And what is missing? She is missing; ive filled it in with fantasy!

I believe I decided the first time I met her; I decided she should like me or worship me like the other girls! She did not! So, she's going to ######6 pay for it! Thats the kind of rage!

She stood up to me! So I respect her! Thats how it feels deep down inside! It feels like she is or should be my properly! But she is not! I let her go play!

IT feels like owner ship! Like I have her on a constant leash! So, this does not sound like someone I like! This sounds like lust! Either way; most of this type of thing is fixed when you ask someone out!

She is pretty, and she knows it! Should this stop me! Yes,! Because she knows it! She knows she's pretty and commands attention for it! She eats it up! This does not mean she likes me!

I never got the impression she likes me! Maybe just a curious look now n then! Don't know! I don't think so! I think she sees me as inferior! Less then! And this happens when you're dealing with middle class background people! They think they are better!

She does not know my back ground and couldn't care less!

She is on my mind! My stalker mind, not my right mind! And that does not count! Thats my problem!


Sometimes theres a fear of someone because you think your better then them! your impression of them is scumbag and loathing and you don't want them to know! and when they get to close to you, you get scared because you have nothing but contempt for them!~ and I believe this is what this girl has for me; and Im mad that Ive been victimized like this by this person without a fair trial! I hate going through this!

So, I will work on expressing my feelings, and looking back at the first time I thought about her and saw her! And attempt to wonder why I had to have her as my trophy girl! Ive had other girls like me because she blew my doors of! I think its all external! Im attracted to something about her lust wise!

The attraction part is where the problems is! Something is not honorable about the attraction part! Not right! Wrong! Fear based! Fear based attraction! Im trying to scare her! And I like it! She's my victim and I like it; I ######6 love it!

Time to move on! Something not right!
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My mother was sadistic; so, Ive found a victim the way she found a victim in me! Im taking it out on this girl who I don't even know!

But IVe not taken anything out on a real person! Ive stayed away from her!

Love hate obsession? !

I guess if I really wanted her; or even liked her! Id go up to her and say hi when I see her! That freaks me out to much; I know she thinks Im a creep! To much fear on her part!

The problem is; fine! Say goodbye to my little obsession! And say goodbye! And it's so hard! But I have to work on it! I feel like stalkers and bullies are blocking me from it! Im being blocked from letting her go, like Ive got people from my past controlling me and they wont allow me to let go of her because she is unhealthy for me!

PTSD! Thats the problems!

Im not aware of why she is the one picked! I will keep working on this! I must keep writing and wake up; obviously, none of this is about her! For this girl does not know me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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